Why do people who consider themselves close and dear, over time, begin to cool off towards each other and become strangers? Is it true that love gradually ends, and instead of it comes disappointment, resentment and emptiness? Here you need to understand that a great and pure feeling develops according to its own laws and has three important stages.
Rice. Why does love pass?
Stages of love
The first stage is characterized by intense love. Its distinguishing features are an extraordinary spiritual uplift and an aura of romance. At the same time, partners try to show each other only the best sides of their characters. However, gradually the relationship matures, and the turn of the second stage comes.
It is characterized by a decline in the romantic state. At the same time, the partners, as it were, throw off their festive clothes and appear before each other in their usual form. And here it turns out that the object of love and worship is not at all an ideal. This is an ordinary person with his own shortcomings, habits and claims.
The next stage is the most interesting. It characterizes the psychological maturity of a once in love couple. Self-sufficient and serious people begin to treat each other objectively and impartially. Some maintain relationships and live together for many years. And others become like capricious children. They begin to make claims and complain that their expectations were deceived. As a result, such couples break up, and nothing can reunite them again.
There is a French film. It is called - "Love lives for three years." The name is very accurate, since according to statistics, the largest number of divorces is recorded in the first four years of family life. The data is sad, and all because the partners cannot cope with the third stage of the relationship and break up.
Love does not pass, it transforms and acquires more and more new qualities.
Such people do not understand that love does not disappear at all. It just takes on different forms and different content. It is no longer necessary for a man and a woman to constantly look at each other tenderly, which is characteristic of the early love stage. But they have a common life, they coexist side by side, run a joint household. At the same time, love relationships move to a higher and more subtle level. This means that a loved one is perceived with all its advantages and disadvantages. As a result, absolute trust arises, and such couples live together all their lives.
However, few can boast of such a relationship. Most couples painfully perceive the change of love stages. They are seen as unexpected, and the natural transformation of a love affair is misunderstood as alienation. A woman thinks that since there is no former passion in the eyes of a partner, then she has become boring and tired of him. And the man is more and more drawn to do current affairs, since you can’t always admire your partner. It all ends with mutual reproaches and claims.
At the same time, it should be noted that, in practice, . In other words, a harmonious family is possible. You just need to understand that each partner is not responsible for half, as is usually believed, but completely 100%. After all, from how everyone behaves, complete family success is formed.
In such situations, people who are disappointed in each other are usually helped by psychotherapists. But it is possible to reanimate outgoing love without bottom. It all depends on the desire and maturity of the man and woman. They just have to understand that love does not pass, but acquires a completely different quality and appearance. This is all its charm, depth and power!
How and why love passes in marriage in a family between spouses and how to return it after the birth of a child
After the appearance of a little man in the house, life changes, relations most often worsen. This happens due to unavailability or underestimation of the new status. A woman tries to devote as much time as possible to the baby, forgetting about her husband. To avoid divorce, pay more attention to each other, try to look after not only the baby, but also your spouse.
How does love go through periods in men and women
Any relationship begins with a romantic period. Then there is ointment, after that disappointment, interest passes, and then love.
How love works for different zodiac signs
Aries can scream that everything is tired. Will try to force himself to find dignity in a partner and fall in love again.
Taurus often confuses love with sympathy, so they don't really notice when it's over.
Gemini becomes depressed, upset. With all my might, trying to figure out what went wrong.
Cancer is sensitive and receptive to any change in a relationship.
Leo will not be able to accept for a long time that love has passed.
Virgo thinks for a long time that she still loves, even when everything is over.
Libras are easy to fall in love, just as easy to forget.
Scorpio for the sake of a loved one is ready for much, except for betrayal.
Sagittarius falls in love brightly, forgets hard. But after a while, he doesn't even remember.
Capricorn only blames himself for everything, depression will be long.
Aquarius falls in love rarely, but aptly. Therefore, the ending is hard to endure.
Pisces are not always ready to accept the end of love for granted, they fight to the last.
Why does love and passion for a lover, a wife pass?
Over time, in any relationship, feelings fade away, becoming habitual. This happens when you live together. It seems that the person is not going anywhere. It becomes addictive, separation does not bring as many emotions as before. With a lover a little differently, do not live together. But it starts to bother, to adapt to it. Annoying that you are not the only one, love is gone, passion is over.
Why does love pass from a scientific point of view, Orthodoxy, psychology
During love, the substance phenylethylamine is produced, which makes the brain work harder, do crazy things. For example, go up to the 4th-5th floor to give a bouquet of flowers. Over time, the brain stops producing this amount of the substance. According to the church, love will never pass away, this feeling is truly strong, having nothing to do with passion or carnal desire. Love develops into something more, respect, suffering.
The state of being in love
07.07.2015Snezhana Ivanova
Falling in love is a wonderful sublime feeling that every person experiences at least once in life.
Love- a wonderful sublime feeling that every person experiences at least once in his life. It helps to discover new perspectives and opportunities in yourself, to get to know yourself and the people around you better. Falling in love is often compared with an obsession, a person is sometimes able to lose control over himself, but at the same time, this feeling is idolized, they are looking forward to its appearance in their lives, they are considered chosen.
The more mature a person becomes, the deeper she lives in this state, the greater the opportunities for self-improvement open before her. Love requires focus on a partner, the ability to perceive someone else's life as your own, and all this is actually a lot of hard work. Thousands of people are not ready to experience the state of being in love just because they do not know how to give and cannot receive. This is the only reason why suffering arises that a person does not have the opportunity to throw out, speak and be heard. unrequited love- one of the most bitter life dramas, but necessary for the formation of personality. And most often it happens to those who love themselves a little. The feeling of falling in love sometimes does not seem to depend on the person himself, but it certainly teaches him something.
Falling in love: symptoms
Many people are sincerely interested: by what signs can one understand that a person has fallen in love? There are a number of characteristic symptoms that make it easy to recognize this feeling.
Endless feeling of joy
It embraces the lover and accompanies him throughout the day. A person can do work, do any work, but inside he is warmed by his own sun of warmth and joy. These positive feelings come simply from knowing that a loved one exists. Outwardly, the state of being in love may be imperceptible, not striking to outsiders, but those who know the person well will still notice visible changes in her behavior. Falling in love in itself gives a person tremendous strength, opens up previously unnoticed opportunities. Now the perception of the world itself is changing: if before it seemed implacable and cold, now it is bright and fabulous.
Can everyone experience the feeling of being in love? Much depends on the degree of openness of the heart, on the ability to accept a divine gift. In one way or another, falling in love sooner or later comes to each of us. Another thing is how we deal with the opportunity given to us. Someone deliberately repels this gift from himself, even "without unwrapping the wrapper." This person is losing. Another gladly accepts, but begins to manipulate a loved one. And the light feeling goes away.
Especially noteworthy is youthful love. When, if not in youth, to make amazing discoveries, to perform feats in the name of a wonderful feeling that blooms in the chest? At the age of 16 - 18, a feeling is taken as an absolute truth, it seems that this is forever, for good, and nothing like this will happen again. But in practice, it turns out that the sublime youthful love, so often mistaken for true love, is only a threshold, a preparation for a future family life and more mature relationships.
Need for dreams
For the first time starting to experience the feeling of falling in love, a young girl or a young man discovers a completely new, wonderful world, full of mysteries and secrets. And yet yesterday's child begins to immerse himself in new feelings and experiences, dreams. Girls aged 13-15 actively dream about future love, build in their heads the ideal parameters of a boy they might like.
The value of every minute of communication
If you watch two lovers, you can almost always notice that they are not talking about serious things, but about all sorts of nonsense. In general, serious scientific discussions are not what partners expect from each other. Much more important is the feeling of security and the realization that you are loved. Significantly a sense of understanding, establishing a spiritual connection between lovers, the ability to compromise. Falling in love is sometimes given to a person as a test, showing what else is worth learning from life. It is for this reason that the first youthful love in rare cases is happy and mutual. Basically, she is unresponsive and very bitter. But therein lies the lesson, to learn to accept it. The mistake is made by those young people who begin to run after their “beloved” and demand reciprocal feelings from him. Parents, if they notice such behavior in their child, should immediately try to stop and prevent such behavior, so as not to make the teenager even more painful, not to make him suffer even more. Everything passes with time, and even the strongest feeling will someday be forgotten, the young man will simply outgrow it.
Constant thoughts about a loved one
A characteristic feature of all lovers is the presence of constant thoughts about the beloved. A girl or a boy dreams of their halves and knows exactly what they should be. Moreover, the inner world of a young girl is incommensurably richer than that of a young man. The latter has a long way to go through maturation before he is able to love at a mature level. However, the girl also needs to gain some experience, and it does not have to be in the number of guys. Being in love helps a person to realize himself, to come to an understanding of his own infinite essence.
The person becomes vulnerable
In addition to delivering joy and inspiration, love, like a medal, has a downside. This state makes us vulnerable, touchy. The personality seems to cease to belong entirely to itself, now its thoughts and moods largely (though not in all) depend on the partner's behavior. What if one of the partners said harsh words, had the imprudence to offend or anger with something? The mood will be guaranteed to be spoiled by his half. Being in love implies the presence of some painful “button”, and if you press it in a certain way, you can easily manipulate a person. This state of being in love is dangerous: the lover often does not notice that he is being used.
Willingness to make sacrifices
When we love, it seems that we are ready to do everything in the name of a loved one. If necessary, we can walk at least through the whole city, donate personal time, rest. And all this for her or him. It’s good if the other half reciprocates and, in turn, is ready to offer something in return. And if not? Then the lover will remain devastated and will feel deeply unhappy.
The willingness to make sacrifices must be mutual. No matter how much you would like to accomplish a feat in the name of great and bright love, you always first need to think, but is your soul mate ready to accept such a generous gift? After all, it may turn out that she does not need your ardent love, and then the heart of the lover will be broken for a long time. In order not to lose in love, you need to acquire a clear view of things, including learning to look impartially at your own feelings.
How long does love last?
Many scientists and thinkers agree that over time, the feeling of rapture, the delight of seeing a loved one, interacting with him, gradually decreases. At the beginning of a relationship, at the sight of a lover, our heartbeat quickens, our palms sweat, various other signs of nervous system excitation appear, but gradually they pass. Those couples who have managed to “translate” falling in love into love so far are already on a different level. Those who did not, unfortunately, are doomed to remain “with nothing”
Falling in love by itself cannot last for years, because this is a very exhausting state, and it carries a certain burden on the psyche, on the body as a whole. Scientists have conducted relevant studies and calculated that on average, falling in love can live for about three to four years. This time is enough to form a sensitive, trusting relationship and be on the next step. In fact, this is the task of each individual couple. The age of love is much greater. If the feeling is constantly maintained, developed, then you can carry it through your whole life.
What is the difference between love and infatuation?
Many young people, experiencing a strong feeling of falling in love, mistake it for true love due to their inexperience. You need to understand one simple thing: love itself is a rather deep feeling, and it cannot arise in a few weeks or even months after meeting. It takes years to mature and develop. Moreover, the contribution of both partners is of great importance in the formation of love. Love cannot be carried on one hump, that is, one cannot truly love alone. Based on this statement, unrequited love (precisely love with a capital letter) does not exist in the world. The Creator would be too cruel if he allowed the suffering of one of the partners to please the other for a long period. Unrequited love takes place, but such a test is always given by a higher power as a necessary lesson, and nothing more. Those to whom it falls to the lot need to reconsider life values, draw appropriate conclusions for themselves.
How to distinguish love from falling in love? There are several criteria that help to understand this difficult issue.
Depth of feeling
Love is a larger feeling than falling in love. It covers a person from the inside, helps him to open the hidden depths of his own "I", to find and determine the meaning of his existence. Love, despite all the severity of the manifestation, the feeling is very superficial. It does not affect the transcendental depths of the heart, but is located near the lover. This state can be compared with drug intoxication, when a person enjoys his own sensations rather than rejoices that he can really give something to his beloved. This feeling, most often, we experience in youth and early youth. A person becomes capable of loving maturely much later.
Most often, in their youth, a young man or girl does not think about how to make their partner happy. They still have a lot to understand about themselves, and this is not always a quick and painless process.
Form of manifestation
Love, unlike falling in love, finds manifestation in deep things: concern for the well-being of a partner, his health and well-being. Falling in love is rather aimed at satisfying one's own needs and requirements. Being in a state of love, a person enjoys the extraordinary sensations inherent in it and thinks that he loves. In fact, as practice shows, he is mistaken. Only having fallen in love for real, he understands how great and significant this difference is. In love, both are equal and a completely different relationship arises. Love, moreover, is less noticeable to others.
The ability to selflessly give
If a person truly loves, it would never occur to him to demand that his partner satisfy some of his needs, he will not do it at the expense of another. Loving, first of all, to take care of the well-being of his beloved, he will not allow vain suffering, tears and disappointments shed through his fault. The one who loves strives in everything to make the life of his partner happier, brighter and emotionally rich.
Falling in love is characterized by some self-centeredness, focus on oneself, on one's own well-being. Falling in love is experienced by most young people and girls. It is characterized by the excitement of all feelings, the discovery of a new reality, but at the same time, this feeling is quite superficial and does not lead to committing any moral deeds in the name of a loved one.
Thus, only one detail actually distinguishes one concept from another, namely, the ability to disinterestedly give, take care, share the warmth of one's heart with a partner. And I would like to wish such love to everyone - bright, pure, from which you yourself become better.
Falling in love with a man
It is known that men and women love in completely different ways. For a man, the most important thing in a relationship is trust. Therefore, he perceives the very fact of treason extremely painfully. For him, this means losing control of the situation, ceasing to be in charge.
Woman falling in love
Women are unpredictable and impressionable creatures. For the fairer sex, love is synonymous with care and fidelity. If a woman suddenly decides to cheat on her husband, it means that she no longer loves him. It is extremely important for her to feel support, security, and in order to achieve this goal, she will look for an appropriate companion. A woman who has a child and raises him alone, when choosing a partner, will definitely take into account whether a particular man can be a good father to her baby. Falling in love with a person himself will also be determined by the fact how reliable he is in everyday life and family life.
How to get rid of love?
Sometimes falling in love brings a person only disappointments, deprives him of peace, joy, and bright feelings. Sometimes the feeling exhausts the personality, undermines it from within. This happens when love is not mutual, unrequited or rejected. In order not to make yourself suffer even more, in some cases it is useful to know how to get rid of obsessive love, to return the heart back. Almost always we have to endure a duel with our own feelings, to go through a war with the whole world, which is enclosed in ourselves.
It is necessary to get rid of love addiction. But it can be defeated only by one's own willpower, having a sound mind and prudence. The following are ways in which you can win back the soul and become a self-sufficient person.
Recognize that your feeling is unhealthy. It means that you need to realize the need for change. It is impossible, being in suffering, to become a truly whole and happy person. If your relationship with the chosen one brings you only pain and disappointment, destroys or humiliates you as a person, you definitely need to get rid of this kind of addiction. Recognizing that there is a problem is the first step towards healing. There should be no unhealthy love in your heart. Recognize that your connection only brought you disappointment, made you an addicted person. Nothing helps to cope with exhausting love so much as the desire to become a self-sufficient person. Let it become a necessity, a decision, a firm intention.
- Allow yourself to experience pain. No one will argue with the fact that parting is very difficult. It seems to you that the whole world is collapsing, the whole Universe is losing colors before your eyes, sometimes even life loses its meaning. It is important here not to focus only on your own experiences, but to be able to be distracted. At the same time, do not contradict feelings: if tears flow like a river, allow yourself to cry (only it’s better not to do it in public).
- New impressions. After parting, there is often a feeling of emptiness that needs to be filled with something. Become your own mother. Trust me, no one can take care of you better than you. Others may not even know about your inner pain, and you do not concentrate on it for too long. An interesting hobby, a trip to the sea or a trip to another country will help get rid of unnecessary love. At some point, you will notice that emotions recede and you just relax.
- Avoid dating your ex. This will not give you anything, it will only open up the healing wound and you will have to start the path of healing anew. Ask yourself: Are you willing to work for years to forget this person? Isn't it better to do it right away, without additional worries and torments? Try not to date the person you are trying to forget. If possible, it is better to exclude even the possibility of meetings. That way you will get better sooner.
- Love yourself. This is the most important component, without which the entire success of the operation will tend to zero, and in general is meaningless in itself. Remember that love should be only mutual. If you are being used, then you allow it. What kind of love, in this case, is it all about?
- Believe in the best. Even if it’s insanely hard for you right now, remember that this state is temporary, and it will definitely pass. Take advantage of loneliness to understand the reasons for the former unrequited love, to find factors that contribute to the formation of an unhealthy attachment to another person. You don't have to start a new romance right away. Let go of all your loves. Let time pass. And then, having healed old wounds, you can readily accept another feeling in your heart - big and bright.
The state of being in love- the most amazing and wonderful feeling, but only if it is mutual. This is a whole journey together, a process of self-discovery, leading to discoveries and accomplishments.
When great mutual love comes to a person, he does not even want to admit that love will pass with time. After all, mutual love is the foundation on which the personal happiness of any person is built. But, unfortunately, not all couples in love succeed, having carried love through the years, to avoid cooling and alienation.
It often happens that a man and a woman who married for great love become almost enemies to each other. But at the same time they continue to live together, maintaining the appearance of a relationship for the sake of common children or for some other reason. One can only sympathize with such couples ...
What happens, love necessarily passes with time? Of course, it is wrong to think so! Love can be saved! And the proof of this is the elderly couples who, having lived together for many happy years, still love each other dearly.
Why does love dissipate like smoke?
Mutual insults To live for many years of living together and never quarrel - this does not happen. Therefore, it is very important that lovers know how to sort things out correctly - without mutual insults, reproaches and claims. Any problem that arises in a relationship can be solved not with the help of conflict, but with the help of a calm and constructive conversation that will help the man and woman find a way out of the situation acceptable to both. If, at each showdown, lovers become personal, do not hesitate in expressions and compete, who will hurt whom more painfully, then their love will disappear very quickly, leaving no trace. Cheating Nothing destroys love like cheating. Whatever excuses a man and a woman find for themselves, cheating on each other, cheating is always a betrayal. If people really love each other, they do not and cannot have a good reason to look for sex on the side. Of course, for the sake of maintaining relationships, in rare cases, cheating on his wife, but never forget! Selfishness Married life always presupposes mutual voluntary sacrifice and self-giving. A man and a woman, living together, give each other time, strength, care, feelings. But there are people who do not want to sacrifice anything for the sake of a loved one, but make excessive demands and claims on him. Such people are called egoists. In the life of egoists, love passes without having time to get stronger. Selfish people, in principle, are not able to maintain love in a relationship, since they never make concessions, they always think only about themselves, about their own benefit, comfort and coziness, and they try to adjust a loved one for themselves, caring little about his desires and interests. Inability to appreciate relationships Many people tend to quickly get used to everything good and take it for granted, therefore, after several happy years of marriage, they stop appreciating their happiness, and next to their loved one they become bored and uninteresting. These people mistakenly take the sharpness of sensations and the intensity of passions for love, and when out of a relationship, they believe that love has passed, and rush in search of new relationships. But passion, unlike love, is never eternal - this must be understood! Lack of romance Many believe that love destroys life. So that everyday life does not kill love, romance must be preserved in the relationship between a man and a woman. Love needs romance just like a delicate flower needs moisture. Many couples, after several years of marriage, even forget to congratulate each other on holidays, not to mention romantic evenings by candlelight or walks under the moon. The relationship of such couples comes down to the joint solution of everyday problems and the usual fulfillment of marital duty.
As you can see, life together is fraught with many underwater reefs, on which a love boat can crash. But if a man and a woman value their relationship and are ready to do anything to save love, then they may well live up to a diamond wedding loving each other dearly!
What to do so that the fire of love does not dry out?
In order to preserve the freshness and sharpness of mutual feelings for as long as possible, family psychologists advise building relationships on the principles:
Mutual respect Only by respecting the desires and interests of each other, a man and a woman can avoid serious conflicts that have a destructive effect on relationships. Mutual help and support Life is never without problems and trials, so spouses who want to keep love must be ready to love each other not only in joy, but also in trouble. Mutual Trust People who love each other should trust each other. Suspicion, unreasonable jealousy and distrust can destroy even the strongest relationships in which love will pass first, and then mutual respect.
I think my story is very familiar and close to many.
We met when we were 12 years old. We have a small age difference, I'm only one year older than him. We were introduced by Sasha's sister, who was also my best friend.
After we met, we began to walk often, talked all night long: corresponded, called up.
When I saw him, my heart sank, as he later admitted, the same thing happened to him when he met me. Over time, friendship grew into love, we began to live together, with him.
We were connected by common interests, hobbies and were drawn to each other like a magnet, as happens at the very beginning of any new relationship. Beloved carried me in his arms, we never parted. There were mutual friends, they always walked in the same company.
We had our own, incomprehensible, jokes, he was a complete reflection of me both internally and externally. In the middle of the night, Sasha could easily get out of a warm bed and go to the store without me, just because I wanted ice cream, but I don’t want to go anywhere myself.
Fulfilled all my whims and, it seemed, he even liked it. Round-the-clock insatiation with each other, sleepless nights, crazy actions. Walking under the moon, in the rain, in the cold, in the heat, nothing frightened us, because we are together, always and in everything nearby and we don’t need anyone else. We could give a damn about everyone and disappear for several days, enjoying only each other's company.
Full understanding between us, guessed the thoughts of another from a half-look. Sasha charmed my family from the first meeting, and his family fell in love with me.
A year and a half later, when I saw two stripes on the test, with a wide smile on my face, I ran to please my beloved, but when I saw fear and disappointment on his face, I, referring to surprise and age (at that time he was 17 years old), took his reaction regarding calmly.
We moved to live with me, with my parents and brother.
At that time, I needed a lot of help, both moral and physical, which was no longer enough from my young man, he began to slowly move away from me.
I did not understand what it was connected with, to be honest, I still do not understand. But I never brought this topic up with him, afraid of hearing something unpleasant or, even worse, something that would tear us apart.
He became rude, sharp both in actions and in words, for the first time we began to swear, which, unfortunately, over time began to happen more and more often.
But, I did not even guess that this was the beginning of my "hell", the beginning of our end.
We got married as soon as he turned 18, at that time I was already five months pregnant.
In the registry office, as they say, I didn’t pull him “by the hair”, I suggested getting married myself.
I, of course, agreed without hesitation, but alternately doubted this decision.
More than once I started a conversation with him that perhaps we should not do this, maybe we should wait, but he was persistent.
At first everything was great, we became very close again. They always boasted to everyone that in our relationship, in addition to being lovers, we know how to be friends, due to which our relationship is so strong, we were sure that it was forever. But, as is customary in happy stories with a sad ending, the relationship began to break down, at first imperceptibly even for both of us, then with a big "crash".
It all started with the fact that he started walking without me, but this is not the saddest thing, the sadness itself began with the fact that today he came home at 23.00, tomorrow he came home at 3 am, the day after tomorrow he did not come home, and I , lying alone in our bed with him, just roared and did not understand why he did not answer my calls and messages.
Sometimes, apparently tired of my persistent calls, he simply turned off the phone, and I rushed around the apartment and did not know where to put myself, worrying about something happening to him.
Returning home, in his defense, he constantly told some new, pre-thought-out story that I had to believe in, but I could only turn a blind eye to it and pretend that I believe and trust him.
Over time, there were calls from ex-girlfriends, secrets, some kind of parties without me, which, as he decided, in principle, I don’t need to know, reticence, lies. The most annoying thing is that every time I blamed only myself for all this. I thought that it was I who was a bad wife, I did not pay enough attention to him, that it was definitely my fault that he became bored and uninteresting with me. In any case, he remained the best person for me.
When I gave birth, it seems that our relationship began to improve again.
He helped me a lot with our son, got up at night to feed him, rock him in his arms, put him to bed, took care of us.
I found a part-time job through acquaintances, which I periodically went to, received a little money from it, brought some to the family. But, as one would expect, he soon got tired of playing a good husband, a loving father and a happy family.
Meetings with friends began again both during the day and at night, I came home at a later time of the day, in a not quite sober state, I waited, worried again, but constant scandals, daily quarrels, tears began again.
He left, came back and left again. When the son grew up a little and during our regular scandals he began to scream or cry, we mutually decided to leave, he packed his things and went to live with his mother.
After some time, we both, of course, realized that we like to live separately much more. We managed to miss each other and our meetings again began to delight us.
He got much more freedom, which, as he said, he lacks so much, the absence of “brain removal” on my part, and as for me, it’s less wasting of my already shattered nerves, less tears, more attention, care and love for my son.
But nevertheless, we continued to call each other every day, see each other almost every day, especially since we live very close by. I stopped tormenting him with my, as he liked to say, “interrogations” about how and where he spent his time, to whom and why he calls and writes, it was calmer for us.
Over time, his life became a “closed door” for me.
It even got to the point that from just looking at each other, we both flared up like fire, from hatred and disgust.
Time goes by, our son is growing, requests are increasing every day more and more, there is a catastrophic lack of money. When I started a conversation about this with my husband, he began to “feed” me with promises that he would find a permanent job, he would do everything for me, for his son, so that we would not need anything.
But, all promises, of course, were empty. I started looking for a job for myself.
Thank you very much to my parents, my brother, for the support and for the enormous help they provided me, without them I would never have coped. Thanks to this, I got a good and permanent job to provide for myself and my child.
Again believing the words of my husband about his great love for me, that without us his life became terrible, that he misses me, I did not lose hope for the restoration of our family, our happiness, which we so dreamed of, but actions spoke of the opposite. . Less and less of his time was allocated to me, to our child.
Talking about work turned our communication into a nightmare, I realized that a person is strong only in words and it’s impossible to wait for something really sensible from him.
I soon found a job. My schedule did not allow me to see my son as often as I would like, but, unfortunately, I could not do anything about it, because it was simply unbearable to live without money.
When things got better with my work, my husband began to ask me for money, as he said, in debt.
The money, of course, was never returned to me, not even half, but I gave it to him anyway, until I began to gradually take off my “rose-colored glasses”. I understood that there was not enough money again, that I was doing wrong and stupidly, because the money was far from being spent on me and my son.
I stopped doing it, which brought our relationship even closer to the end of a good communication, of course, at his suggestion. Accusations began in my direction, resentment and even more quarrels.
Everything led, in the end, to the fact that we simply ceased to be interested together. I proposed a divorce. He agreed without further questions.
I alone was involved in the entire divorce process from the very beginning to the very end, he only signed the summons for me, which again I brought him from the court, and wrote a statement that he was not against the dissolution of the marriage. Two months later we were divorced.
Three months after the divorce, he asked: "Why did we get divorced?"
It's strange, but after a divorce, many couples "start to live anew." Someone gets divorced in order to diversify their family life, someone, having abandoned something or someone so familiar, understands that this is exactly what life is impossible without, which forever and firmly ties relationships into the most lasting a knot that can no longer be untied. But this is not my case.
My ex-husband suddenly came to life, began to look after me again, give unexpected and causeless gifts, offer to live together again, invite me on dates, again, almost forgotten, promises about a happy family life, that he would definitely find a permanent job.
But my "rose-colored glasses" have long been lying on the chest of drawers in my old life, in which he remained - my greatest love.
If the relationship has already exhausted itself and you understand that there will be no better, you should step over yourself and stop it.
No need to think that in your life you will never meet a good person who can breathe new life into you, with whom you will create a truly happy story.
No need to feel sorry for yourself and worry that a lonely life awaits you in the company of cats alone, you just need to let go of the old in order to start something really new, without any regrets and remorse.
When you see that there is absolutely no future with a person, no matter how strong your feelings and love are, you need to end this or this relationship will only ruin you. It is important not to fix your life on a person who does not make you happy. We must live on and move forward.
As the saying goes, you can't step into the same river twice. After all, even if you give a second, third or fifth chance to a person, nothing will change from this, all the same, in the end, everything will lead to what you so wanted to run away from.
If both partners do not learn to negotiate and analyze the moments that led to the breakup for the first time, old problems are guaranteed to surface sooner or later and destroy everything again. Be careful and listen to your heart.
