Hello!
Emotions are an integral part of human consciousness. The fact is that emotions and feelings have not one definite function, but several.
First of all, emotions and feelings, like all other mental processes, are a reflection of reality, but only in the form of an experience.
In this case, the concepts of "emotions" and "feelings", which are often used "in everyday life" as equivalent, actually denote various mental phenomena, which, of course, are closely related to each other.
Both emotions and feelings reflect the needs of a person, or rather, how these needs are satisfied. Emotional experiences reflect the vital significance of phenomena and situations acting on a person. In other words, emotions are a reflection in the form of a biased experience of the vital meaning of phenomena and situations.
In general, we can say that everything that facilitates or facilitates the satisfaction of needs causes positive emotional experiences, and, conversely, everything that prevents this is negative.
An important difference between feelings and emotions is that feelings have relative stability and constancy, and emotions arise in response to a specific situation.
The deep connection of feeling with emotions is manifested, first of all, in the fact that the feeling is experienced and found precisely in specific emotions. So, the feeling of love for a loved one can be experienced depending on the situation as an emotion of joy for him, pleasure from communication, anxiety if something threatens him, annoyance if he has not justified our hopes, pride in his success, shame in if he did something unworthy, etc.
The structure of feeling includes not only emotion, direct experience, but also a more generalized relationship associated with knowledge, understanding, concept.
One of the main functions of emotions is that they help to navigate in the surrounding reality, to evaluate objects and phenomena in terms of their desirability or undesirability, usefulness or harmfulness.
Emotion arises when there is a mismatch between what is necessary to know and in order to satisfy the need (necessary information), and what is actually known.
It is important to understand what exactly prevents you from expressing your emotions. It is necessary to be aware and give yourself an account of exactly what you are feeling at a certain moment.
Here are some tips for learning how to express your emotions:
- If a person has done a good deed for you or said kind words to you, do not hesitate to thank him for this. Speak sincerely, express the feelings that you have in your soul. Let it be not a simple "Thank you", but a more extended expression: "How nice to receive this gift from you", "You cook wonderfully."
- Support your words with actions - intonation, posture, facial expressions. If you say gratitude with a stone face, the person will not have a very flattering impression of you. And the words spoken with a warm, sincere smile will leave nice a trace in his soul. And in the future, he will be happy to provide you with another service.
- Express how you feel when talking to your partner. You are squeezed and you feel a strong anxiety in yourself, so say: "I am worried, I do not know how to start." A normal interlocutor will always support you, give you the opportunity to calm down.
- Negative emotions also cannot be hidden, they must be expressed. If you don't like something about your partner's behavior, tell him about it. No need to be silent and offended. Maybe the person does not understand what specifically does not suit you.
- Do not postpone the showdown until later, do not accumulate your grievances. This is fraught with not only a deterioration in relations, but also affects the physical condition. Keep in mind that the longer you accumulate aggression in yourself, the more it will then splash out on your partner. Perhaps, after such an explosion of accumulated emotions, you will not be able to restore normal relations.
Happiness to you!
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Good afternoon. I was interested in your answer "Hello! Emotions are an integral part of human consciousness. The fact is that emotions and feelings are ..." to the question http: // www .. Can I discuss this answer with you?
Discuss with an expertOur attitude to the expression of feelings is closely related to how it was customary to do in the parental family. According to research, open and free expression of emotions is characteristic of only 10% of Russians. The remaining 90% experience insecurity, fear, and pain when it comes to feelings.
1. Become aware of feelings
The state of internal hysteria, when it is very anxious, but it is completely unclear why, and most importantly, what kind of feeling we are experiencing is familiar to everyone. Exhausted by this internal struggle, we may break into a colleague who talks too loudly on the phone or is too slow to respond to our request. Or get sick if aggression towards other people has been taboo since childhood. And an emotion that cannot be prohibited begins to gnaw a person from the inside. To end this pointless and merciless fight with yourself or others, you need to become aware of your feelings. Psychologist Galina Kolpakova recommends observing your body for this: “Each feeling has its own bodily display. For example, someone clenches their fists when angry, another blushes. It is important to create an individual bodily portrait of emotions - then it will be easier to understand them. " Awareness is also helped by the "Diary of Feelings", if you write down all the nuances of the emotional state in it every day, this will allow you to understand what is happening, get out of the state of emotional capture and take a sober look at the situation.2. Find out the reasons
The founder of transactional analysis, Eric Berne, took feelings very seriously. He divided them into real ones, when, for example, stepping on the foot of a passer-by, we feel guilty and ask for forgiveness, and reket, when we need the same guilt in order to manipulate others. According to a systemic family therapist Maria Shumikhina, how emotions are expressed in the family is the result of jointly developed rules, an unspoken compromise or a deal. Do you like to shout? “Aggression in marriage can be a way to attract attention to oneself, to compensate for the lost sense of self-worth,” the specialist assures.3. Be sincere
Often we become hostages of certain patterns of behavior, we act as we are used to. At such moments it seems as if they are not managing their own lives, but some unknown force. You can regain control over your behavior if you follow the seemingly paradoxical advice - to give free rein to emotions.Analytical psychologist Yulia Zhemchuzhnikova suggests: “Allow yourself to indulge in emotions, leave the observing Self aside - let it rejoice and be surprised:“ Wow, how I, it turns out, got angry / upset. People read each other's emotions. If you sincerely express your fear, anger, joy, tenderness, others feel comfortable and grateful. If you just try to look upset, angry or affectionate, it doesn't cause anything but irritation. "
4. Find the addressee
Emotions must be expressed in a targeted manner. Often we experience a vague unpleasant feeling - irritation or discontent, but we do not have time to think about the reasons and splash out negative on the one who was the first to turn up at the arm.There is only one conclusion: to express a feeling in hot pursuit, to the person who aroused this feeling, and using the "I-message". That is, you shouldn't say: "You piss me off because you watch football on TV all day." Much better: "I feel pain and bewilderment when I see a person who sits in front of the TV all day." Here the most important art is, having started your claim with the "I-message", not to slip into a classic accusation. That is, “It hurts me to watch you watch football all day” is not suitable.
5. Talk to your inner child
Very often we incorrectly express precisely those feelings and emotions that we were forbidden to show in childhood. “There are four basic emotions: sadness, anger, fear and joy,” says the psychologist. Ekaterina Stepanova... - It is necessary to remember which of them was taboo in childhood? Perhaps the scandals, intrigues, investigations that accompany the current segment of life are so intense because the situation repeats childhood conflicts. It is likely that with the same cry, our Inner Child is trying to talk about his unmet needs and wants. An excellent ambulance will be our personal attention to our Inner Child. It is worth telling him that we hear and understand his anger, resentment, anger (the feeling must be named), and tell how exactly we will protect him from the aggressive outside world. If it is not possible to build such a dialogue, then you should definitely seek professional psychological help.6. Express emotions
Feelings are energy that needs to be released. “Displacing energy into the unconscious is like creating a time bomb that can detonate at the most inopportune time,” says Galina Kolpakova. Tantrums are often just such an explosion, and it can be prevented by processing the energy of emotions. You can not only shout your feelings, you can draw them, dance them, work out in the gym, or describe them “under lock and key” in an Internet diary. According to Ekaterina Stepanova, strong emotions always contain an element of powerlessness, and hysteria is an extreme measure, the last hope in situations when you feel like a victim of circumstances, upbringing or relationships with a partner. adminFrom childhood, we are taught to control our emotions. You can not cry, be upset, express your opinion and dissatisfaction with what is happening. As a result, a person grows up incapable of controlling feelings and expressing emotions. And this is a heavy load that translates into mental and physiological problems. To prevent this from happening, you need to learn to express your feelings.
Why Express Feelings?
Unable to express and show emotions, a person hides behind shyness and insecurity. They lead to conflicts at work and family quarrels. - this is the first step towards and deterioration of health. Why Express Feelings? Having learned to show emotions, a person becomes confident. The number of conflict situations is reduced, relations are maintained.
It is important to understand that no matter how you hold back, there will be a breakthrough. At these moments, you will turn to screaming, make yourself look not in the best light. The true feelings of a person are hidden behind negative emotions:
Uncertainty. Leads to running away from problems. Conflict situations in the family are not resolved, but an insecure person continues to think about them. After a while, uncertainty entails irreversible processes. A loved one is affirmed that you are indifferent to their relationship, provokes scandals. As a result, the couple disintegrates.
Aggression. There is a lightning-fast reaction to the words spoken by loved ones. The offended person speaks loudly and rudely. In some situations, the conflict turns into a violent form. The partner fulfills the requirements, but not voluntarily, but under pressure or rebuffs. Relationships flow into mutual demands for each other, expressing a cry. Ends with a loud scandal and rupture.
If you value your relationship, replace insecurity, irritability, and anger with open conversation. The interlocutor or partner will not guess about your feelings if you do not talk about them.
Trying to be a pleasant conversationalist and a good friend, many people hold back their emotions. It is interesting to communicate with such personalities, they are the soul of the company. But behind the smile and affability hides resentment, irritation and anger. If you do not throw out these emotions in time, then an explosion or a scandal will occur. After an outbreak of aggression, a person will blame himself for not holding back. In order not to feel guilty, the person decides not to show emotions. Constant stress leads to health problems.
How do you learn to express negative feelings?
Speak out without witnesses. Left alone with yourself, give vent to feelings. Speak out resentment. If you need to shout, cry, beat the dishes. Destructive actions help to pour out negativity, bring a feeling of relief. This method is good for removing negative emotions that have arisen in relationships with unfamiliar people.
... Between close people, misunderstanding arises due to the secrecy of partners. If the words or actions of a loved one are unpleasant for you, then do not hide your feelings. Say what you didn’t like, what words hurt you. If you are an unrestrained person and immediately move on to screaming, then give yourself 10-15 minutes to calm down. Then start a conversation.
Choose your words. Learn to speak not in the context of "you did the wrong thing", "you did the wrong thing." Use the pronoun "I", "I was unpleasant actions, words." At the same time, do not generalize by using the phrases “you always”, “did it again”, “you never give flowers”. Talk about a specific event that happened.
Use words for feelings. Tell us what you experienced at that moment that caused negative emotions. For example, you have felt loneliness, resentment, aggression, fear.
Speak the facts. When making complaints to your partner, do not remember past grievances. Build a proposal based on the current situation. For example, “I was upset because I waited for your call until late at night. Please warn me if you are late at work. " There is not even a hint of the partner's previous sins in this proposal. When sharing your emotions, do not use swear words, do not offend the interlocutor.
Let me speak. Your claims will definitely be answered. If you want to exhaust the conflict and never return to it, then hear the interlocutor. Next, formulate your wishes for the situation that happened, but already taking into account what the partner said. 
Unpleasant situations on the street, at work, in transport cause negative emotions. This is normal, there is no need to be ashamed, let alone hide such feelings. Conflicts with a loved one, accumulation of grievances, the list of claims is growing. By expressing your feelings, you resolve the conflict on the same day, listen to your partner's opinion and conclude how to proceed in the future in similar situations. Most importantly, you face the next day with ease.
It turns out that many people find it harder to express pleasant emotions. Everyone knows how to shout and swear, but it is impossible to praise a loved one. Why do we clamp down on feelings? The reason lies in the upbringing, the experience. Perhaps restraint and closeness reigned in your family, and a good attitude towards children ended up sitting on your head. Hence, conclusions are drawn, one must be strict, restrained, cold and not praise anyone. In fact, giving a smile and a good mood is pleasant and simple.
How to learn to express positive feelings?
Bring emotions to the surface. Consider a typical day. If the husband does not come home from work on time, then a scandal is brewing. If a loved one came on time, and even managed to drop in at the store, then this is taken for granted. See what happened. Express your joy to have dinner with your family.
Don't put it off until later. Talk about pleasant emotions right away, include words for feelings. If the reason for a good mood is not the actions of a loved one, but the events that happened at work, then share with him pleasant emotions. Tell us about your day, what made you happy. 
Connect gestures. Expressing positive emotions, smile, hug the interlocutor, touch him. Laughter attracts pleasant experiences and creates a positive environment.
Praise yourself. Compliments, pleasant words make a person feel embarrassed, dismiss them. In this case, a person is looking for an excuse. For example, preparing a week for her birthday, picking up a dress and doing makeup, the girl then shrugs off the compliments of others. In fact, she is pleased with the attention, the girl is glad that she looks good. Why deny it? It is impossible to express positive feelings towards others without learning to pamper, praise, and delight yourself.
When expressing emotions, sincerity is important. A feigned smile is more like a grin and does not convey feelings. Don't go to extremes. Excessive emotionality disturbs others and leads to misunderstanding.
How to learn to express feelings?
Emotional stress leads to drug or alcohol abuse. Not understanding himself, a person begins to look for simple and alternative methods. Unfortunately, this leads to addiction, plus the result is short-lived. Feelings come back again. How to learn to express feelings? Start by knowing yourself in private.
Find a quiet place where you can relax, no noise. Apply a beginner's technique - breathing exercises. As you exercise, think about the feelings that have arisen. Meditation will also help feelings of anxiety, tell you how to act in a specific situation.
Capture emotions. Create a notebook in which you describe the events that happened during the day. This method helps to understand true feelings, makes them tangible. Keep a diary every day, completely relieving your head. When recording events, do not focus on consistency or errors. Tie your senses to music, colors, weather.
Play sports. If you feel that you are ready to throw out negative emotions, then come up with physical activity. Sports can help you distract yourself, relieve stress, and improve your mood. Choose activities that you enjoy.
Reward yourself. Maintain a good mood, a positive attitude. Make an appointment with friends, go shopping, visit the exhibition. Fill your work with positive deeds, do only what you like. In this way, you are accustoming yourself to positive emotions. The brain remembers that a good mood is accompanied by pleasant events.
Visualize. Simulate different situations and act out two responses. Express negative feelings and positive emotions. So you, understand yourself and respond correctly.
“For the first two years of marriage, my husband and I fought every now and then. A wedding, moving to a new apartment, having a baby - we had to adapt to these stresses. At first, we poured out the accumulated fatigue and anger in endless claims to each other, said hurtful and unpleasant things. Once, in a fit of anger, I even broke a plate. At that moment, we both realized that it was impossible to continue living like this - we had to learn to behave in a civilized manner and respect each other's feelings, ”34-year-old Maria describes the situation through which many young families go through with more or less success.
“A few hours later, we calmed down, talked about what was happening, found the strength and wisdom to apologize to each other. Quarrels and conflicts have not gone away from our lives at all, but new levers to control our mood have appeared. Eight years have passed since then. We have learned to speak. At first, for several days they discussed the problems that arose, not finding a solution and a compromise, they were offended, but already without shouting. The most interesting thing is that after a few days of conversations, the subject of the dispute disappeared by itself. Now the periods of mutual grievances have decreased to several hours. We may be suppressing our feelings by leaving too much unspoken. I prefer to think that we have learned to separate the main from the secondary and negotiate. "
Identify the source
“You experience this or that feeling for a very specific reason, and your task is to understand it,” says Joan Harvey, a psychologist at the University of Newcastle (UK). If you miss the reason and succumb to the flow of feelings, it can take you far from the shores of reality.
Often, irritation or anger is a signal that someone has violated your boundaries, and you did not have the courage to defend them.
Anger forces you to say or do stupid things and endangers you and those around you. Anxiety, fear, sadness can knock the soil out from under your feet and lead to depression when you are unable to do even what you usually enjoy. A bad mood reduces the defense mechanisms of your immune system.
Ask yourself: what's going on? Why is this happening to me? When you are angry, anxious, or sad, do you always understand the reason for your condition? Many do not even think about it. At best, their response is "I'm angry because he didn't do what I want," "I'm worried because I'm late for an important event."
This is a reaction to external circumstances or the behavior of other people, you did not go further, did not analyze your own experiences. After all, no matter who said what, you are the one who emotionally reacts. The better you learn to understand your emotions, the easier it will be for you to deal with them.
For example, irritation or anger is often a signal that someone has violated your boundaries, and you did not have the courage to defend them. Couldn't refuse someone to help, and then you feel overwhelmed and tired? Fatigue is probably masking anger here. If you allowed yourself to get really angry, you might not have to sacrifice your well-being.
Anxiety and anxiety often arise in situations where we are afraid of not living up to the expectations of others. Ask yourself the question: whose expectations are you really trying so hard to meet? And why is it a disaster for you to deviate from this task?
Gift of attention
Four years ago, Anna (now 37) found herself feeling guilty about her state of mind. “I was married with two children, but I felt worthless, it seemed to me that I was wasting my life. I understood that my mood was a reaction to circumstances: an unloved job, money problems, but I didn't know what to do about it. "
Once the teacher of the youngest daughter asked Anna to meet - the girl often cried at school. “I was on the verge of despair and stopped noticing the good things in my life. But it is even more terrible that I stopped noticing those closest to me - I completely lost sight of the state of my children. "
This incident helped Anna realize that, in spite of everything, only she is responsible for what happens to her. You need not wait for changes, but change yourself. She learned to be more attentive to herself, children and her husband, changed jobs and began to get more pleasure out of life.
We cannot prevent unpleasant events, but it is in our power to change the attitude towards them. Fixing a feeling, giving it a name and a place within yourself is the first step to gaining the ability to control your mood.
If you are upset or angry about something, it is important to pass this feeling through your mind and try to understand its meaning.
A diary will help to cope with this task. Formulating feelings on paper, you simultaneously pass them through consciousness and free them so that they do not accumulate inside.
“The next step is an internal dialogue about feelings,” says Willem Kaiken, head of the psychological center in Exeter, UK. - We often give feelings a logically incorrect assessment, it leads us to a dead end. Determine what unsettled you, and feel free to change the wording. For example, a typical situation for motorists: you were cut off. You are scared, angry.
Anger is the hardest thing to control. It starts when we feel a threat to our health, self-esteem, and dignity. Try to change the train of your thoughts, replace: “Who drives like this? He could have killed me ... "to:" Maybe he just did not notice me or is too nervous today. In the end, everything worked out, no one was hurt. "
Live and grow up
Each feeling has a reason, meaning and teaches us something. Psychoanalysts call this learning function "mental structuring." When a person discovers that some of his needs cannot be met, he experiences not only anger, but also sadness. It is she who allows you to realize that it is not the principle of pleasure that dominates in life, but the principle of reality, that both you and the people around you have boundaries.
Disappointment and sadness when we cannot get what we want teach us to respect the choice of another person and find support within ourselves. This is a necessary stage of growing up, which is often ignored by the desire to see only the good in everything and to avoid negative experiences.
Learn to accept yourself in different moods. It is impossible to always be cheerful - periods of sadness, disappointment, frustration of hopes are inherent in each of us. In addition to making our lives more diverse, they represent an invaluable experience of inner maturation and rethinking life. So if you are wondering what to do with feelings, let them just be to begin with.
Not all of us know how to correctly express our feelings, and therefore we either thoughtlessly splash them out, or we completely hide inside ourselves. And, by the way, both of these approaches are destructive to us.
That's why, if you don't want to become a victim of your own emotions, learn to express them correctly.
Let's try to figure out why you can't keep feelings to yourself and how to learn to express them.
Why you can't keep feelings to yourself
We are used to hiding our feelings inside ourselves. Partly because we are embarrassed to admit them to others, partly because we ourselves are not aware of what we are feeling.
But, as practice shows, unexpressed feelings can cause us tangible harm, and we are talking about both negative emotions and positive ones.
If we harbor irritation, hatred, or fear within us, they will gradually erode our strengths, both emotional and physical. Some of the typical manifestations of emotional restraint are headaches, high blood pressure, muscle clamps, and a general weakening of the immune system.
Over time, a bad mood can gradually turn into your constant companion and, possibly, even result in a prolonged depression.
That is why it is so important to learn how to correctly express your feelings, because only in this way will they stop controlling you, and you will be able to move on, fully solving the problems that arise in your life.
How to learn to express what you feel
If you no longer want to keep all your thoughts and experiences deep within yourself, then it's time to learn how to express them correctly. And this should be done step by step.
If you feel that a friendly conversation was not enough, then it's time to think about non-standard ways to talk about your feelings. For example, through creation... Draw, write poetry, sculpt from clay, sew clothes. Let the things you create tell others about what exactly you are experiencing at the moment. Believe me, after each creative impulse you will feel like a renewed person, full of energy and strength.
As we can see, you should not restrain and hide your feelings from others. Instead, try to give them the outlet that seems most constructive to you. Released outside, your emotions will no longer oppress you, but you will feel a charge of strength in yourself for new achievements.
Express your feelings and good mood!
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