Men are peculiar creatures. They know what they like and what they don't. The first thing they notice in a woman is her appearance. If the man seems handsome to you, he will invite you on a date. And for some time, external attractiveness will be enough. But since a man knows exactly what he doesn't like, he will quickly begin to pay attention to your inner content. Soul, character, habits - all this is of decisive importance. And this is more important than appearance.
I have a lot of girlfriends who share stories of relationships and dating with me. This article is not intended to justify men disappearing without explanation. It aims to explain why men do this.
At the very beginning of a relationship - and even on a first date - there are several important nuances that a woman should pay attention to. Because some of these nuances are read by men as a warning: "Run from her, and hurry." And no, that won't change if he gets to know you better. Because he no longer wants to learn anything.
1. You are desperate for love and relationships.
Men don't like to take on emotional responsibility until they have an attachment. If he feels that you “need” him and not just “want”, an alarm goes off in his head. An emotionally healthy man will not want to serve as a filler for your emptiness in your soul or life.
You may have heard differently many times, but men do not dream of saving women from an unhappy life. They want to be with a woman who can lead a happy and full life without them. This is not childishness and immaturity. It's one thing to volunteer to help someone with whom you are already in a relationship, to whom you are attached, whom you love. And another - when it is expected of you or even demanded from the very beginning. This is frightening.
2. You want to forget your ex
No man wants to be a substitute for another. If you've gotten divorced or ended a long-term relationship, don't expect some poor guy to accept the role of comforter. Men are attracted to those who have complete order in their lives. And if not complete, they happily and enthusiastically put this semi-order in their own right. These women know what they want from life, are confident in themselves and are not afraid to be alone. If you are looking for a man because loneliness scares you, potential fans “consider it” and disappear from your life, barely having time to appear on the horizon.
3. You are the queen of drama
Men cope with emotions worse. A study by psychology professor Ann Kring found that women express emotions much more strongly. Men hate difficult feelings because they don't know what to do about it. When a woman asks: "Well, where is our relationship heading," the man is seized by several negative emotions that he cannot cope with. When she makes a scene of jealousy or says something like, “I think I like you more than you like me,” he does not understand how to react. And it's easier for him to escape than to deal with this tangled drama.
Starting a relationship involves getting to know each other, having fun, creating an emotional connection and intimacy. But if from the very first days (weeks, months) you begin to weigh his contribution to the relationship, expect more than he has to offer, most likely he will not stay there to find out if you are worth it, he will just leave.
4. You are unsure of yourself
Master once said to me, "If you don't believe in yourself, why would anyone else believe in you?" If you are not confident in yourself and your actions, a man will not make up for this lack. If you need constant reassurance that you look great, do great work, progressively raise your kids, and cook divinely, he will tire of the daily need to cheer you up.
Nothing is more attractive than self-confidence and self-esteem. We cannot offer anything to a potential partner if we do not believe in ourselves and respect ourselves as a person.
Women are beautiful, and without them we would simply be lost. It is important for women to understand that they do not need men. They can perfectly do without us. The fact that you do not have a partner now does not mean that you need to immediately start one and at the same time make this search the main goal of life. Relationships become incredibly beautiful if they are not overshadowed by this infantile raid called "I need a man." You don't need it. You are a woman and you are beautiful. Enjoy yourself, life, and then all men will be at your feet.
My husband is running from me! We have been living together for 3 years, in a barge - 2. I’m sure that he has no other woman and I don’t doubt his love at all, but he leaves home for a day, for example, without warning, then comes, begins to weave some utter nonsense , although in fact I know that he is sitting at a friend's office at the computer. But it scares me 1 - that he is lying, 2 - that he does not call and does not warn that he will be late and does not seem to be interested in him, that I am worried about him and 3 - I persuaded, threatened with divorce, tried after another disappearance to pretend that nothing did not happen and surrounded him with attention, spending time together - does not help !!! At the moment we have a temporary truce, but I no longer consider it necessary to communicate with my husband about my leisure time. He is offended that I go to the cinema with a friend, and not with him, I can come from friends after 00.00. And the main thing is that I calmed down for myself and decided to part with this person, if everything continues unchanged. Will our story end there? To complete the picture, everything is very good in bed when we laugh, joke, hug, etc. together. He admires my "unearthly beauty" and bright mind, I also often compliment him and praise him. Why is he running from me? He does not answer this question - he does not want or does not know ...
And also, if you know, Natalya Aleksandrovna, a good family psychologist in Yekaterinburg, I would be grateful for the recommendation.
Katerina, Yekaterinburg, 22 years old
Family psychologist's answer:
Hello Katerina.
I, unfortunately, do not know a good family psychologist in your city, but I think that you probably have such specialists. You just have to look. After reading your letter, I immediately looked at the age. It seems to me that this may be the main problem. If your husband is not much older than you, then perhaps he just really wants to sometimes be a boy without obligation. And here one of the main indicators that will help you understand and make a decision is your relationship. If you have pleasant communication with jokes, mutual compliments, there is a desire to hug and there is good sex, then your problems are more like growing pains in young couples. Therefore, maybe you should not isolate yourself now, often go to the movies and visit without your husband. You may need to spend some time apart, but don't overdo it. As practice shows, it is always easier to break than to build. I just can't say from your letter how long the so-called growing pains can last. For some couples, it is cured after building a house or giving birth to a child, for some in connection with moving to a new apartment, making new acquaintances, and for some it just goes away because of youthful skin problems.
Respectfully yours, Natalia Alexandrovna PANFILOVA.
Why do men cling to some ladies, like smeared with honey, and from some they run as much urine as devils from incense? There is a certain pattern in this, which representatives of the stronger sex will gladly tell us about.
So what is it about us women that they might not like?
1. Making excessive demands
Don't be so critical of your man. Who loves to be discussed from head to toe? Your exclamations about why he put on socks of the wrong color, did not shave, is not too gallant today, did not think to open a bottle of champagne (and you had to do it yourself), and maybe even worse, can kill the romantic mood of your hero completely! Be tolerant. Be tolerant. Maybe your boyfriend got excited when he was going to meet you, or maybe he is just having a bad day today? Don't make small things a tragedy. Give it a chance.
2. Don't whine!
Ay, my nail is broken! And tears, tears ... Or here's another. And yesterday I was walking in white trousers, so I got three specks of dust on them so that I could hardly wash them off! And my neighbor - you just can't imagine! She is so jealous of me, although - what should I envy - no faces, no skin, what can you take from me! STOP!
Stop talking in that tone! Unless, of course, you want the man to run away so quickly that you only saw his heels. Do not be upset over trifles and do not whine. Such behavior on your part may sooner or later lead a man to the idea that it is he who is the cause of all your troubles and griefs. Even if something upset you, do not transfer your bad mood to the beau. It’s not his fault at all!
3. I'm fat!
Never tell this to your man. Stop hiding behind a blanket so that he doesn't inadvertently see the orange peel on your buttocks. Believe me, if he is with you, then he loves you. And if he loves, then he deeply does not care whether you have problem areas or not. Of course, this does not mean at all that from this moment you can forget about caring for yourself and completely relax. Introduce separate meals for yourself, go to wellness procedures, take care of yourself, but do not go beyond boundaries!
Women who are constantly losing weight can also cause negativity on the part of men. Why would your loved one know the details of agonizing diets and hours of exercise? Don't be intrusive in the process of achieving your perfect figure. Health is shine in the eyes, healthy skin and good mood, not painful thinness with bruises under the eyes, which cannot be hidden even with the strongest makeup. If you are naturally curvy, use this, and do not kill yourself with various methods, trying to become more attractive. Men love those women who know their own worth, but not those who will run around with calculators, calculating calories, and always complain about one and a half extra pounds.
4. Be polite and respectful to his parents
Whatever they are. Yes, sometimes it is difficult. Yes, sometimes it's just unbearable. But pull yourself together and understand that in order to be with him, you need to respect not only him, but also his family. They know him more than you do, and even more so for longer. More precisely, from the very birth. It's useless to compete with them, take this rule into service. So even if you are unlucky enough to meet the most critical parents in the world, try to take it for granted and not react to attacks in your direction. Of course, you don't have to love them, but it's still best to be neutral.
5. Don't put your career first.
A man wants to feel the love of his chosen one, and not her eternal reflections on how to roll out the next project tomorrow and how to tell Mr. X about the upcoming deal. Everything should be in moderation, so if you have chosen a career as a business woman, do not forget about your family. Who is pleased to meet someone who does not even think about how to spend time with a loved one, preferring business deals and business trips to romantic evenings?
Remember that you are a woman, not a advice maker. Men rarely need advice, preferring to decide everything for themselves. But if they do ask for advice, they will certainly ask for your opinion. And your uninvited instructions can cause by no means the most positive emotions on the part of the stronger sex. If you really want to help someone, experiment on your friends - they will always be happy about it!
7. Don't compare them to other men.
“But I had Petka! .. He always repaired everything! And you - ugh! ”- if such discontent on your part occurs regularly, then even the most patient man will sooner or later not stand it. Keep your comparisons to yourself, even if he is in some way worse than your previous partners. Imagine for a moment that he would also compare you to other women. Have you changed your mind now to tell him such things?
8. Don't be indifferent
Everything is good, but in moderation! This also applies to your indifference. Keeping intrigue, at times pretending to be indifferent, is useful, but turning it into a daily routine is not recommended. Otherwise, the man may end up thinking that you really don't care. And if all the same, then why is he next to you? .. Knowing about these simple rules, you will become the best partner for your man, as well as a good friend and irreplaceable companion. Putting ourselves in the position of our man more often and thinking about what is worth talking about and what is better to remain silent will serve as a good lesson both for you and for your relationship in the future.
Hello dear friends! This article was written to help the beautiful half of humanity. A question from our reader with the beautiful name Love: in my relationships with men, the same situation is constantly repeated: a man disappears at the peak of a relationship, simply disappears without explanation. I understand that the problem is with me, but I do not know how to solve this problem.
I received a lot of letters of this content in my mail.
The reasons for this situation may be different, it is impossible to list them all. But there are key problems that I will talk about in this article.
In general, in the modern world, the relationship between a man and a woman is most often not the relationship of two Souls, united by pure and selfless love, but the mutually beneficial existence of the Ego of one and the other. And so, when the ego of a person, and it does not matter whether it is a man or a woman, grows to exorbitant proportions, big problems begin. In another way, it is called accumulated negative karma, moreover, a person's personal karma or ancestral karma along the female line, this is the second question.
Now I will explain in Russian)) What I have seen many times, working with this problem, when a woman complains that all men run away from her, and never comes to a serious relationship or to a wedding.
Why do men run away from me? Key reasons
I will answer first to a specific letter, then, for other possible reasons, we will go through.
One of the reasons: you have a great subconscious desire to tie a man to you and control him, this can manifest itself as fear of losing him, fear of being left alone, a desire to have him always next to you and no one else, etc.
Normal men always feel addicted and do not like it when a woman seeks to tie him up, lasso, subjugate him, her personal power. They feel it even if at the physical level you are not doing anything like that and behave very unobtrusively. But at the same time, subconsciously, a woman's desire to subjugate a man to her personal female power can be enormous.
This is the work of a developed female ego. Our Ego always strives to take power over others. The female ego is above men. The masculine is over the women. For what? The answer is simple - to use the other to realize your selfish desires, your will. So that he, a man, should serve a woman. The male ego accordingly wants women to serve him, fulfilling his desires.
How does the hypertrophied female or male Ego manifest itself? In the desire to bind to oneself, to make only “one's own”, to control all manifestations of the other, to deprive him of his freedom, to put him at the service of oneself. The female ego wants to appropriate the man for itself, to make him its own - "So that he only does what I want".
The ego is thirsty! It wants! And these desires are always personal and poorly controlled. As you know, the most important thing for an egoist is himself, this is what can be called “mine”. For a terry egoist, his personal desires are always in the first place!
Once again, I repeat, outwardly a woman can behave very modestly, not impose herself, keep herself in control, but at the same time energetically she has already thrown a thousand clamps on the man, has already tied him to her, climbed onto his head and chased him. And a man will always feel this emotional, spiritual and energetic lack of freedom, the framework into which his powerful female ego wants to drive.
Moreover, a woman also may not feel what she is doing spiritually and energetically in relation to a man. The negative karma accumulated in the past is simply working off (the subconscious is working). This is the dark power that subjugates and enslaves the other.
Surely you have met in life:
- Mothers who break the fate of their children, everywhere and everywhere entangling their fate, trying to control everything and everyone, trying to subordinate everything in their child's life to their will, because "They know better how to live ...".
- Or tyrant wives next to whom the husband is a beaten dog on a leash, which sits, lies, runs and raises its leg at the command of its mistress. In such a pair, you can immediately see who is the man in the family, who has power and who serves whom. Other.
But the point is, these are all gross manifestations of the ego, easily recognizable. And there is such a dark selfish power, which is very veiled, and outwardly you will not immediately see it, especially in yourself. When the ego has become more sophisticated, highly developed, subtle and the submission of another person's ego-power outwardly occurs very unobtrusively and accurately.
In general, the nature of the Ego, selfishness, egoist, I think many people understand. The essence of the Ego is, first of all, to “take” and not to “give”, to live at the expense of others, to use others in one's own interests, selfish motives, etc. And it doesn't matter at all how a person externally furnishes it. It is also important to note here that an egoist is never truly satisfied and happy! Because the sensation is given to a person by the Soul, and the Ego is not the light, but the darkened opposite of the divine Soul. Therefore, it is impossible to make a terry egoist happy !!!
How it works? If a woman has an overdeveloped female hungry ego living and flourishing in her subconscious, she will energetically rip off and devour a man, downloading male energy and vitality from him, for which her ego is starving. Such a woman seeks to draw all the attention of a man onto herself, but next to her, men, as a rule, do not feel good or at least uncomfortable.
The ego, if not curbed, grows and turns into such an energy monster that lives in a person (dark). This monster begins to destroy a person, his soul, everything light that is in it. And this ego monster feeds on the life energy of other people.
Here's another example. Probably heard, there are women, next to whom they die, all men die after a while. This is it! These are women with accumulated negative karma towards men. We can say that the ego of such women feeds on men, sucks life out of them, like a vampire sucks blood, and throws it out (sends it to the next world). So you need to control such things and clean your karma in time, trim your ego and give the power to your Soul, and not to egoism.
Another very common manifestation of the female Ego !!!When a woman hangs on a man, like a child on a big god. If a woman in her subconscious is inclined to deify a man, this is also a problem. Then she will strive to shift everything to him, and he will replace God for her. This leads to the highest degree of affection, and therefore to the greatest fears of losing this false god (man). Attachment always generates great, and fear produces the energy of aggression. And if a woman is mortally afraid of losing her man, she will simply frantically strive to control him in everything and limit his freedom. This is the beginning of the end of the relationship.
In order for the relationship to be happy, with the development of bright feelings for many years, a man and a woman should be equal, and God should be above them.
What to do with your hypertrophied female or male ego?
Ego is the unwillingness to “give” to oneself and the motive is only to “take” from the other what you need, this is a consumer attitude towards other people. The female ego is a consumer attitude towards men - “what can I fuck with him”, “what else has he not given me”, etc.
And men are attracted not to those women who download energy from them, drink all the juices of life and who only want to “take”, but to those who are able to give, give from a pure heart their love, attention, tenderness, kindness and care, i.e. .d. And this is the key point! If her ego grows in a woman, she loses her feminine principle: the heart becomes callous, tenderness and care atrophies, kindness is replaced by claims that the man did not give her something, did not do something, always owes her, etc.
After all, the true bright feminine principle comes from, from, and not from the selfish ego.
What to do if you find the symptoms described above in yourself? First of all, you need to sincerely determine your motives.
Woman is Love, Love is to give! Therefore, begin to determine not only what you want to receive from a man, what your requirements he must meet, but first of all with what you want to give to your potential or real beloved man! What do you want him? Do you wish him Good, Happiness, Satisfaction in the heart, success and strength? Would you like to? What do you want to convey from your heart, from your heart, to give it to your soul?
And do not be lazy, write it down in writing! If you work through this, accept with your soul, positive energy will go through you in relation to men and you will become more attractive to them.
Well, your negative karma from accumulated egoism, or ancestral karma from the female line, of course, also needs to be cleansed. But this must be done competently, with or with, finding out the reasons and roots of the accumulated negative experience in your family.
According to generic karma, there can be serious esoteric things here that cannot be removed on the fly, just by desire: negative karma for love spells of men, for the destruction of families, for curses, etc. And in this case, one cannot do without a strong Spiritual Healer.
Other reasons why a woman scares men away from herself?
Another very common reason is a negative attitude towards men accumulated in a woman's mind. Negative attitudes are distorted attitudes, misconceptions. In other words - an inadequate attitude towards men, inadequate, negative, categorical and stereotypical perception of them, which is manifested in the well-known programs “all men are good ...”, “all men are goats ..., bastards ...”, etc.
With such a deliberately negative subconscious (or conscious) attitude, a woman simply pushes men away from herself. Men, on the other hand, subconsciously always feel negative towards themselves and leave. Because they do not want destruction, because any negative, especially if there is a lot of it, is bound to destroy. Negative attitude towards men - begins to destroy a man as soon as he falls into the field of influence of such a woman. For most men who leave communication with such a woman, the instinct of self-preservation is simply triggered.
If in the subconscious of a woman there is a lot of negativity in relation to men, there is simply no chance of building a happy family relationship. We need to unload! Get rid of grievances and claims to men, remove excessive demands on them, remove consumer attitudes and pride, learn to perceive a man, first of all, as a divine soul, as a person, as an equal.
How to remove the negative accumulated on men?
- Get rid of grievances and claims. Resentment against men, if it lives in your heart, destroys your bright feelings, your soul, health and life, attracts troubles to fate, destroys the men around you and your relationship with him. With resentment, work on the article -
- Write down in your workbook all claims to men in general and to specific ones. Ask yourself - "Why am I offended by men?"... And then, replace all negative beliefs (answers) with adequate, positive ones, those that your bright Soul will tell you. And look at this moment at a man, as at a divine soul, which, just like you learns, goes through its lessons on Earth, may be imperfect, make mistakes, repent, etc. How to do it correctly - be sure to learn in the article Do this task in several passes.
- Form the most complete positive attitude towards men. Just write a creative essay on the topic “My Best Relationship to Men!”. Write with all your heart, with your heart, as if it is not you who are writing, but your divine Soul dictates and conveys its attitude to you. Draw images in the process of writing and put your best attitude towards the most worthy men in it. Write what you respect and love worthy men, and what you wish for all men, without exception. Wish great Good, Nobility and Courage to all men! This will make you attractive to such men :)
- Write in writing, in an arbitrary form, a Prayer-repentance before the souls of all men whom you despised, did not respect, infringed upon, in relation to whom you acted unfairly, selfishly, cruelly, with pride and arrogance. Repent before the egregor of men and before God for pride and resentment towards men. How to work with your pride, see the article -
Believe me, if you sincerely in front of yourself work out your attitude towards men according to all of the above recommendations, there will definitely be positive changes!
There are certainly other reasons, karmic reasons why men run away from women. But they already need to be watched individually with a Spiritual Healer or with a Mentor. A woman may have serious debts accumulated in relation to men in past incarnations, for example, when a woman has used men for her own selfish interests for many lives in a row, and then threw them away as unnecessary. And in this life there is a karmic return, when all the men she meets use it.
Also, one cannot do without a Healer if it is ancestral debts, negative ancestral karma. When, for example, all members of the clan on the female line are blocked private life and happy relationships with men. This will be the case until the karma of the clan is cleared. And in this clan, the first (that first) one should appear who will take on such responsibility and begin to work both on his own and to cleanse the karma of the clan.
A separate large block of reasons for karmic prohibitions on personal life is violation of software, a blocked spiritual heart (). In my opinion, these are generally the most difficult questions and the corresponding lessons that a person goes through in the process of his evolution on Earth.
When personal life does not work out, each of us reacts in its own way: seeks to forget the past, switching to other men as soon as possible, or, conversely, is engaged in self-digging and looking for shortcomings in ourselves. But it often happens like this: nothing foreshadowed trouble, but here once - and without five minutes the groom ran away.
Or maybe it all ends after a few dates for you, and you have not taken the form of something serious? To create strong relationships that will grow into a family in the future, you need at least trust and confidence in your partner. And the elusive, always busy, indefinite, doubting man is not at all suitable for this. It is curious that these same men, but with other women, become reliable, domestic and loyal (with some exceptions). If you catch yourself thinking that the next candidate for the main male role in your life has escaped your hands, then perhaps he had at least one of the following reasons. Some of them you can change, others are outside the field of your action.
ru.fotolia.comSo, let's start with the most unpleasant one:
1. He already has another woman
When you meet an attractive / charismatic / successful / man of your dreams, you somehow do not want to think that he was taken over before you. By the way, it is precisely this unwillingness to believe that he already has a beloved, with whom he blows away dust particles and with whom he brings orange fresh juice to bed in the morning, makes him ignore even the sometimes obvious reserved signs. That is, you do not want to notice, but he is in no hurry to upset you. A passionate night of love, and then you can't draw it, the subscriber is temporarily unavailable. A surprised face and a mute reproach in his eyes: "I thought you understood everything." I, of course, exaggerate a little, but before making plans for a joint future, make sure that he is free.
2. He doubts that you are the best option.
Remember, in the movie "Route 60" there was a girl who was looking for her ideal sexual partner and could not stop because she was afraid that the next one would be better, but she would never know.
Perhaps he escaped from the relationship precisely in search of his ideal. But the beauty of the ideal is that it is unattainable. So he punished himself. Perhaps at the age of sixty he will understand that you were that unique, or maybe before that time he will have a heart attack due to a dissolute lifestyle. In any case, there is no place for a doubting man next to you. You will also meet someone who will not dream of another in your arms.
3. He sees another person in you
In the language of psychoanalysis, this is called transference. You may not even guess, and your words or actions will remind him of another girl who hurt him. Maybe she betrayed him, left him, went to the States for practice and married a handsome black man, or it was his unrequited love in the fifth grade. In general, it doesn't matter what kind of transfer happened to him, but it is because of him that your relationship may not last long. If he "turns on" and he decides that you will betray him in the same way as Tanya / Anya / Katya once did, then he will disappear from your radars with lightning speed. Don't worry, this usually happens in the early stages of a relationship.
4. He didn't survive the breakup with his ex-girlfriend / wife
This point partly overlaps with the previous one. The difference is that in this case it is his conscious choice - to continue living on memories and hope that everything will return. Therefore, one call from a former "drunk" can break the fragile bridge that has emerged between you after several dates. Any break in a long-term relationship must be lived through, but many men are eager to find comfort in someone's lush breasts as soon as possible. Make sure you don't become an alternate airfield or transfer point for such an unfortunate person.
5. He is afraid of serious relationships.
A man knows from childhood that responsible behavior is expected of him, but he is not always in a hurry to take on this burden. Perhaps you have come across a specimen that wants to frolic in freedom as long as possible, without becoming attached to anyone. Or he has already gone through a couple of serious relationships, is tired of the hassle and wants to live for himself. As soon as he feels that you expect more from him than he is now ready to offer you, you will be out of the way.
6. You put too much pressure on him
If you start rushing things, demanding everything at once, then do not be surprised to find out that your partner is missing. A man comes to everything gradually, and he should have at least the appearance of a choice. Patience is a lifesaver for us in the early stages of a relationship. Enjoy the romantic period when you are just getting to know each other. He will be charmed by your confidence in the situation.
7. You can do everything yourself
Of course, we have long been independent girls and we cope with all the difficulties ourselves. But it is so important for a man to understand that we need his help, protection and support. You may not even notice how from the first minutes of meeting you challenge him, making it clear that you can do everything better. The path of competition with a man is a wrong move if you want him to see you as a gentle and sweet woman, and not a rival.
8. He's your last chance.
Once a man reads in your eyes that he is your only option, and he will lose all interest in you. We must know our own worth and work on our own self-esteem. Then the feeling that no one needs you, and the despair that all the “normal” ones are busy, will disappear. Instead, confidence will come, and men will fly to you like moths to the light.
9. His friends didn't like you
It is common for us to listen to the opinions of loved ones; it is the same for men. This rule works mostly at first. Therefore, the first impression that you make on his friends may affect the further course of events. Unfortunately, if your best friend speaks out negatively about you, he may wonder if you are the right fit for him.
10. You're insincere with him
Now I mean that you, too, can play a double game. That is, you continue to meet with one, and at the same time arrange your future with a more profitable option. The latter can accidentally see you with "almost the former" and, without saying a word, disappear from your life. So it's best to play by the rules and pay off all your past debts before starting something new.
Building a good relationship between a man and a woman is a great art that only the wise can do.
