Why am I lonely - a psychologist's comment. How to get rid of loneliness for a woman - advice from psychologists What does loneliness mean for women

Valeria Protasova

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What is loneliness and why does a person among billions of other people remain lonely? A well-known song explains - "because according to statistics, there are nine guys for ten girls."

But psychologists assure that this is not so.

The main reasons for female loneliness - so why am I always alone?

• shyness
  It used to be that modesty makes a girl beautiful. And many parents raised their daughters in accordance with this opinion. And so a generation of indecisive women grew up, literally afraid of men. Excessive modesty does not contribute to communication, and the less a woman communicates, the less potential boyfriends she has in her environment.
• Many ladies wait their whole lives for a prince on a white horse.
  Having created the ideal of a man in their minds, they cannot find its counterpart in reality. And too high demands eventually lead to loneliness.
• inaccessibility
  A beautiful, sociable, smart, but too serious lady scares men. With such a woman, they are even afraid to speak.
• infantilism
  Many women are waiting for a man to appear by himself, draw on the horizon and take her into a dream. Infantile women do not take any action to find a companion. In addition, it is expected that for the rest of her life her husband will arrange her happiness. But this happens too rarely.
• Heavy character
  It's no secret that relationships involve compromises. A rare man can get along with an iron woman who does not make concessions.
• Full commitment to work
  A woman is first and foremost a wife and mother, as nature bequeathed. If a careerist does not have enough time for her family and husband, then the probability that she will remain single is close to 100%. Read also:
• Excessive requirements
  Often women want to start a family only with handsome and successful men, it is desirable that at the same time they are also generous and wise. But such a high level must be met. After all, these men choose as their companions, at least models, business women or famous actresses. And they are not interested in ordinary saleswomen.
• Misunderstanding and fear of men
  There is an opinion that all men are goats. And many women live, sacredly believing in it. How can you find a life partner with such an attitude? That's right - no way. Perhaps this attitude is a consequence of the emotional trauma inflicted at a tender age. A woman was once cruelly offended by her lover, or fear appeared when, in front of the child, the father morally and physically mocked the mother. In this case, you should contact a psychologist.
• Own complexes
  Women absolutely unreasonably wind themselves up because of small breasts, wide hips and short stature. Most people around simply do not notice these shortcomings. And the complexes do not allow liberated and free communication.
• Fear of responsibility
  Marriage and family are the responsibility for the spouse and children. Many are afraid of this, afraid of losing their freedom and independence. In addition, usually by the age of 30, women get used to an independent life, and it becomes not easy to change it.

Pros and cons of female loneliness - do single women have advantages?

Loneliness has few advantages:

• Women who have no experience of living together and raising children look younger . This can be explained by the fact that their life is less anxious, they have less worries and chores around the house, and more time for themselves.
• The second benefit is freedom. A person does not depend on circumstances, on the opinion of another person, he is not afraid to hurt his partner's feelings with his actions. Children don't hold it. At any time, a single woman can go on vacation to the other side of the world, and not guess the rest for her husband's free days and the child's vacation.
  You can safely read a book, and not clean and cook for a huge family. Or sit with friends in a cafe, go to a beauty salon. Read also:

There are many more disadvantages in the life of a single person.

• Inferiority. Even if a person on every corner shouts that he is happy in his loneliness, deep down he will feel deprived. And every acquaintance will certainly remind you of this inferiority with the phrases: “When will you get married?”, “Are you all alone?”.
• Helplessness. A lonely person has no one to turn to for help. Whether it's illness, repair, or just moral support. You have friends today, but not tomorrow. And family is always there.
• The absence of a companion. A husband is a friend, ally and like-minded person. Therefore, married women do not need to look for someone to celebrate the New Year with or with whom to go on vacation. Read also:
• Irregular sex. It is more difficult for a single person to find a partner. And the lack of intimacy is bad for physical and psychological health. Of course, there are times when there is no sex in marriage, but this is rather an exception.

To escape from the tenacious hands of loneliness you need:

• Raise self-esteem
  Get rid of, if not from all, then from a greater mass of complexes. And move forward to your happiness.
• Be yourself
  Individuality is highly valued. No need to try to copy some successful person. We must believe in ourselves, not give in to doubts and not do what we don’t like, because each person has his own individual path to happiness.
• Improve your communication skills
  Communicate, smile, exchange news and opinions. The larger the circle of familiar people, the faster your one and only will be found.
• Reconsider your requirements for the opposite sex
  Perhaps they are too strict, so you are still alone.
• be interesting
  In order for people to want to communicate with you, you need to be not boring. Find your favorite pastime, let it be some fashionable hobby. And preferably not just one.
• Strive for your ideal
  If your dream is an educated and gallant man, then you need to become an ideal companion for him. The same educated, educated, versed in art or cinematography woman.
• Look for your betrothed and not sit still
  Be where he can find you. Attend mass events, do not miss friends' birthdays, corporate parties and other holidays.

Loneliness is not a sentence, it can and should be overcome. After all no man should be alone because it makes people unhappy.

What do you think about female loneliness?

Hello Elvina. You can be lonely among people. The theme of loneliness is one of the difficult topics.

Three main meanings of loneliness:

1. Loneliness (isolation) is the experience of loneliness as forced suffering.

2. Loneliness (solitude) - this is loneliness, which a person himself periodically chooses in order to think, do creative work, and relax.

3. Existential loneliness (unique existence) is the experience of the loneliness of one's separate life as a given that cannot be changed: we are born and die alone, we live our unique life alone.

Loneliness - solitude does not cause inconvenience, but on the contrary, only joy. Existential loneliness can only be accepted, not changed. Therefore, I want to draw your attention to loneliness in the 1st point, loneliness - isolation, causing people the most suffering.

Unconsciously, people avoid relationships. An acute experience of loneliness as isolation, oddly enough, is organized by the person himself. A person builds relationships, and at the same time avoids them - avoiding a full-fledged meeting with another and a sincere presentation of himself to another. In psychology, this is called "lonely behavior", it includes the unconscious rejection of other people, and or the provocation of their rejection. Summarizing, we can say that it is not someone who isolates us, leaving us alone, but it is we who isolate ourselves. How and why do we do it?

Reasons and ways to isolate yourself from people:

1. Difficulty refusing others, firmly expressing one's opinion.

If you find it difficult to reject people, to refuse them, it means that you endure a lot - both during communication and in relationships in general. Endure boring conversations, fulfill requests that burden you, listen to things that are unpleasant for you, and so on. Having endured and poisoned yourself with all this filth, you unconsciously begin to isolate yourself in order to protect yourself from even more poisoning - a completely natural defensive reaction.

Organization of loneliness

Demonstrating to people a reluctance to be touched (consciously or unconsciously). For example, not answering letters and SMS for a long time, not picking up the phone, avoiding meetings and communication, drinking, walking with a sour face, and so on. And in general, a person who does not say “no”, passively tolerates the interlocutor, simply for this quickly becomes uninteresting, or even unpleasant.

Exit

It is obvious - stop tolerating, start saying “no”, express your alternative opinion. Listen to yourself and DO NOT agree to "eat" what you "do not like". "Superfluous" people will be eliminated, but the most suitable for you will remain!

2. Everyone around is idiots, or it's hard to say yes.

We are talking about an overly rigid psychological framework - a person does not know how to "stretch for other people, look at others with interest, be flexible, adapt creatively. He knows how to play only by his own rules, and is like a deaf man, he speaks loudly at times, but does not hear anything. The reason for the problem is too rigid ideas about how things should be and over-control, which arose due to hidden psychological fragility.Inadequate expectations from life and distrust of people are a pseudo-protection against unforeseen pain.

Organization of loneliness.

If suddenly desires do not come true, and expectations are not justified (although there was no agreement with the world and people!), Then the person gets angry, demands, makes claims, and then becomes disappointed and leaves the "guilty" people instead of negotiating with them and adapting. Or they themselves, against such a background of annihilating aggression, shy away from him.

Look for and find value in what occurs in your life - in the events, feelings, opinions and actions of other people. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and sensitive. Look and feel into other people, including their difficulties - the way you see others speaks primarily about you, be aware of yourself through contact with others. Watch the movie Always Say Yes and start saying yes.

3. Super-rationality.

Organization of loneliness

A lot of reasoning - little relationship - a direct expression of their emotional reactions in communication with others, because they themselves do not understand, are afraid or ashamed of their feelings. Others may consider such a person a bore, a mattress. After all, it’s boring to talk together endlessly, and in response to a story about your life events, listen to a logical layout about this and that (about nothing).

Exit

Listen to your emotions and share them with people, even if you sometimes seem ridiculous to yourself. Healthy expressiveness, sensitivity always fascinates and attracts people. Communicating on such a wave is easy and interesting.

4. Avoiding behavior.

It's about the habit of ignoring other people. Psychologists call this behavior passive-aggressive. The man, in fact, sent those around him to hell, but not directly and openly, but veiled. To one degree or another, absolutely all people have such a reaction, but not everyone has it as the main way of responding. In essence, avoidance is an attempt to get away from problems. If you dig deeper, then this is an attempt to get away from yourself. And, as you know, you can't get away from yourself.

Organization of loneliness

Do you notice when you are interrupting others, abruptly changing the topic of conversation that another person started, ignoring questions asked to you and statements directed to you, leaving the room during communication, falling asleep during a conversation, and the like? It happens that the truth is, if you ignore other people's words and wait a bit, then the situation is resolved by itself, without your participation. But basically that doesn't happen. Unresolved problems, tangled relationships lead to a crisis and loneliness. This loneliness comes both from the fact that the person himself avoids hotter and closer relationships, and from the fact that others stop turning to the deviant and ignore him.

Exit

Less shy and more risky to openly express your feelings and desires, dissatisfaction and sympathy, solve problems, listen to the words of another person and have a clear direct dialogue.

5. Inaction undercover.

This is an attempt by a person to solve all his problems with the help of one single person / phenomenon, which is not or is not enough. It happens like this: you have relatives, children, friends, work colleagues, acquaintances, but there is no man / woman, and that is the only reason you feel / consider yourself a lonely person. Or you have a man / woman, but there is no child, or friend, or money, or work, etc.

Organization of loneliness

In general, you have someone to be in a close and warm relationship with, but you avoid them, obsessing over those relationships / phenomena that do not exist. If this “magical deliverer” appears (man / woman, child, friend, work), then you will finally isolate yourself from other people, waiting for the realization of all - all your desires from him alone. This all-consuming obsession with one thing creates incredible tension in your relationship, which quickly causes feelings of loneliness and misunderstanding. And yet such relationships periodically collapse (conflict, temporary or final break, betrayal, etc.), - again, loneliness covers.

Exit

Start to notice and be active in relation to those people who are already in your life, be in a relationship with them, maintain, develop and deepen these relationships.

6. Unstable self-esteem.

It is characterized by the fact that the self-value of a person excessively and inadequately depends on the subjective opinions of other people about him, and he himself has little value for himself / does not have an adequate opinion of himself. He only feels valued when he is praised by others. Accordingly, he drastically loses a sense of his value due to someone's criticism or indifferent attitude, and with great apprehension enters into honest relationships with people. After all, in any sincere relationship, in addition to recognition, there is both criticism and indifference, and a person with unstable self-esteem cannot withstand this.

Organization of loneliness

Insincere behavior, following any standards - fashion, morality, imitation of popular personalities, etc. All these are ways to avoid a bad assessment / earn a good one, hide your personality by putting a beautiful mask instead (although she is beautiful only at a distance, the fake one is very noticeable up close), and also, isolate, stay at a distance from close relationships.

Exit

Recognize your own worth. Write a list of your strengths and hang them around the house. Do not let other people decide whether you are a valuable person or not, whether he praises you or scolds you. Take responsibility to no longer question your worth.

Conclusion.

Taking responsibility for your "lonely behavior" is perhaps the most difficult and important thing you can do to overcome it. On the one hand, it is easier to be in the position of a victim of circumstances, but on the other hand, such a position will definitely not get rid of loneliness. In general, the ability to recognize one's difficulty, turn to specialists, take concrete actions to change the situation is a solid guarantee of its quick overcoming.

Chernysh Nadezhda Nikolaevna, psychologist in Almaty

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Person - a social being. For happiness, he needs to be in close relationships with other people, to feel their support and care.

Forced loneliness has a negative impact on the emotional state.

You can learn about the psychological aspects of frigidity in women and men from ours.

What is loneliness: definition

Loneliness- This is a socio-psychological phenomenon associated with the lack of close emotional relationships with other people.

In especially severe cases, it can develop into social isolation, in which the individual is completely cut off, isolated from his environment.

The concept is usually considered positive and negative points of view.

In the first case, we are talking about the desired solitude, which allows you to gain strength and take a break from the hustle and bustle.

In the second case, a depressed state is implied, in which a person loses energy and experiences a feeling of longing.

Species and types

There are three main types of loneliness:

The division into types is also applied:

1. situational. Occurs in a certain life period. For example, in the situation of the death of a spouse or the rupture of a significant romantic relationship.

   As soon as the emotional crisis is overcome, and another attachment takes the empty place, the negative feeling goes away.

2. Chronic. Prolonged inability to establish relationships with the opposite sex leads to the fact that a person constantly feels abandoned and useless.

signs

The following emotional experiences indicate the presence of a problem:

Causes

Why am I so lonely? The reasons why a person experiences such an emotional state are different in each case. But the main aspects of the appearance of the problem in men and women are unchanged.

Why does a person feel this way?

Any individual feels the need to have a number of people who are interested in his fate. The bigger the circle loving relatives, reliable friends, good acquaintances, all the better.

In this case, the presence of a close person is of key importance. You need to feel that you are the object of someone's love.

This is the main problem of modern society. We are all surrounded by a large number of people, but often there is no one among them who could be freely trusted.

Women

Why are there so many single women around?

Currently the issue of female loneliness has become particularly relevant in our country.

In the past, women sought to get married, have children, and take care of the home. They tried to keep the family together no matter what, often giving up their own interests for the sake of their children.

Currently the weaker sex gained independence from men. Women themselves earn money, build a career, raise children. Often they have a higher social status than their husbands.

This state of affairs naturally led to the desire to defend their rights, to think more about themselves, to refuse compromises. Most women are alone not because there are no men around.

They are alone, because there is no worthy (in their opinion) man nearby. Having abandoned her natural essence and having adopted many male character traits, a woman naturally finds herself alone.

beautiful girls

"Why am I lonely?" some beautiful young ladies ask. And really, why are beautiful girls often lonely? It is generally accepted that beauty is the key to success and the opposite sex and a guarantee of a successful arrangement of personal life.

Often, people around turn to attractive girls with the question: “Why are you always single, aren’t you so beautiful?” The answer lies in the presence of the following problems:

Men

Common mistake men make- search for non-existent . Every modern man wants to find a companion who will be distinguished by external attractiveness, be a good housewife, a reliable friend and a wonderful lover.

All these stereotypes lead to the formation bar too high, which in the end does not correspond to any woman.

The problem lies with the women themselves. Among them there are many consumers who are looking for a man to solve the housing issue or material problems.

The man himself as a person is of no interest. Faced systematically with this attitude, the man comes to the conclusion - "all women are like that". As a result, he makes a choice in favor of loneliness.

Often a man is left alone because of unwillingness to change. He has a certain set of negative character traits that have destroyed all his past relationships. But he categorically refuses to admit this fact.

Good guys

The good guys are modest, educated, honest and open young people.

They will never deliberately mislead girls by talking about non-existent material wealth or achievements.

Against the backdrop of determined and narcissistic boasters these guys often get lost. Girls "love with their ears" - that's a fact. This is the main reason why decent young people always lose to self-confident impudent ones.

Psychology of a lonely life

Such a state has a destructive effect on a person, forcing him to constantly think about senselessness of their existence. An individual deprived of intimacy with other people cannot fully feel his own personality and realize his need.

Loneliness is not the absence of people around. A typical situation for modern society is “loneliness in the crowd”. People around do not notice the emptiness and apathy that completely absorbs a person.

He can talk, laugh, listen, but not be involved in his actions. During these communications, there will still be an emptiness that can't be filled.

As a result, life becomes monotonous existence, consisting of the same mandatory actions and contacts. Only the appearance of a loved one with whom a close emotional connection can be established can change the situation.

Is it good or bad?

Is it good to be lonely?

Conscious solitude allows you to get a discharge, re-energize and connect with yourself.

Many people need this kind of seclusion systematically, without which their resources are quickly depleted. In this case, we can talk about the exclusively positive nature of loneliness.

If a person suffers because of his position, dreams of changing the situation, then we are talking about a negative form. Similar state destroys personality, lowers self-esteem, drives into depression.

Most productive option is a competent combination of communication with oneself in solitude with a full life in a society filled with contacts with other people.

Psychological problem

Human life in society is a vast network of various relationships. Violation of such a structure of existence is serious psychological problem.

If a person's need to be included in any or to be in close interpersonal relationships is not satisfied, he begins to experience emotional discomfort.

There is a feeling of the absence of something important in life, loss. Person feels abandoned and unwanted.

Loneliness is contrary to the basic expectations and hopes of a person. For this reason, most people, experiencing a similar condition, begin to look for ways out of it.

Overcoming the problem allows you to recover emotional well-being and keep enjoying life.

Consequences

What does loneliness lead to? The consequences that a person may face are not only psychological, but also physiological in nature:

Benefit

What is the benefit of being alone? The main benefit of productive loneliness is the opportunity be aware of your needs and desires. For this reason, people who have gone through a bad breakup are often advised to be alone for a while.

They get the opportunity to rethink their lives, analyze the mistakes made, make decisions.

Only alone with ourselves do we get the opportunity to establish an internal dialogue with our “I” and answer all important questions.

Truly free and self-sufficient individuals able to enjoy solitude and use it productively, without plunging into suffering and without unnecessarily dragging out this state.

Loneliness Syndrome

There are people who try their best separate from society.

Alone with them, they are much calmer. They avoid any relationship, connections, obligations.

All their contacts wear superficial character. Minimal involvement guarantees no .

Reluctance to get close to other people always testifies to a mental trauma suffered at some time. It could be loss, betrayal, etc.

Fencing off from others, a person seeks to eliminate the likelihood of a recurrence of a traumatic situation.

Conscious desire

Where does the tendency to loneliness come from? A fully conscious desire to live independently without close contact with other people is usually occurs for the following reasons:

• lack of understanding from loved ones;
• desire to understand yourself and your needs;
• fatigue from social and interpersonal contacts;
• the desire to protect oneself from emotional experiences by completely abandoning relationships;
• the absence of a number of people who can be trusted.

Convinced of the impossibility of building those relationships that would cause satisfaction, a person consciously decides to be alone. This gives him a sense of calm and security from any negative experiences.

Diagnostic technique

How does the method of diagnosing the level of subjective feeling of loneliness work? One of the most popular methods for determining the level of loneliness has been developed by D. Russell and M. Ferguson.

The subject is presented with a series of statements. He must carefully read and evaluate each of them from the point of view of the presence of this fact in his life.

You can evaluate the statement using 4 answer options: "often", "sometimes", "rarely", "never". The appropriate option is marked with a sign. Based on the responses received a conclusion is made about the psychological state of the subject.

Thus, loneliness, which causes discomfort to a person, is a serious psychological problem. Voluntary solitude has an extremely positive effect on the psyche.

About the real causes of loneliness in this video:

Loneliness is scary and depressing. Everyone has experienced loneliness at least once in their life. Neither men nor women are immune from it. This article will focus on female loneliness, what to do if you are single, how to accept and cope with this condition.

Causes of female loneliness

Loneliness is faced by both young and mature women, regardless of age and social status. Someone cannot find a worthy partner, someone, having experienced a painful separation, closes in on himself, and someone remains alone after the tragic death of a loved one.

There are many situations in life that lead to loneliness, but why do some women easily and painlessly endure it, while others drown in it, exhausting themselves?

In psychology, the following causes of loneliness are distinguished:

• fear of a serious relationship;
• negative attitudes associated with marriage;
• idealization of family life, gender stereotypes;
• complexes (low self-esteem).

Fear of a serious relationship

A woman who is afraid of intimacy may not be fully aware of it. By its nature, it is rooted deep in the subconscious. Most often, it is formed in childhood, when the girl's environment speaks unflatteringly about the representatives of the opposite sex. If from an early age a girl hears that there are only problems from men, they are all deceivers, and other embittered statements, then this forms in her a subconscious fear of the opposite sex, serious relationships.

Fear of close relationships also develops after a tragic breakup, betrayal or betrayal. A woman, faced with meanness, subconsciously expects it from other men, cannot build harmonious relationships.

A lady who asks the question: “Why am I lonely?”, you need not to look for mystical reasons and not engage in self-flagellation, but to realize your fears, work them out.

Negative attitudes associated with marriage

A negative attitude towards marriage leads to loneliness. It can be both conscious and subconscious. The reluctance to enter into a serious relationship and start a family also comes from childhood. Always swearing parents, disrespect of the father in relation to the mother - the growing daughter begins to consider marriage a complete torment. Such a girl is likely to grow up as a lonely woman, tormented by internal conflict. It is based on the reluctance to marry, based on childhood impressions, psychological trauma, and the need to create a family imposed by society. Understanding yourself, analyzing your experiences, you can get rid of the negative attitude.

Idealization of family life and gender stereotypes

Dreams of a strong, handsome, smart, generous, in general, ideal man lead to loneliness. If you get hung up on the search for a "prince" that does not exist in nature, there is a great chance to be left without a mate for life.

For a woman who has become a victim of stereotypes and fantasies, it is better to accept the fact that ideal people do not exist.

So what do you do if you're single? Understand that everyone has flaws. This does not mean that you have to put up with disrespect, rudeness, physical or psychological abuse. A balance between the pluses and minuses of a partner is important.

A woman who aims at a worthy partner should not forget about self-improvement, the development of her strengths.

Complexes and low self-esteem

Many outwardly attractive, intelligent women suffer from loneliness. Their main problem is low self-esteem. Uncertainty increases anxiety when communicating with the opposite sex, repels men.

Believing that each person is unique and worthy of love and happiness is the beginning of solving the problem.

If a single woman stops feeling sorry for herself and looks for her own shortcomings, and instead accepts herself, then those around her will notice her virtues.

Using loneliness as an opportunity to understand yourself, to develop the strengths of the personality is much more effective than mourning your unfortunate fate. A diary will help with this, in which you can record your successes, thank yourself.

How to accept loneliness

Loneliness can be comfortable and bright, the main thing is to change your attitude to the situation. Yes, now there is no relationship, no worthy partner, but this does not mean that the situation will not change.

If you consider loneliness as an opportunity to take care of yourself, expand your circle of friends and interests, lead a richer life, do what you have long wanted to do, then it is not so bad.

The answer to the question of what to do if you are lonely will be: take care of yourself, develop, understand your feelings, fears, experiences, look for their causes and eradicate, find a hobby to your liking. But to blame yourself, looking for flaws, you should not feel sorry for yourself, this will only lead to neurosis.

But how to come to terms with female loneliness, learn to live with it? It has already been said above: accept the situation and use it for your own benefit. After all, a confident, interesting woman is more likely to find a worthy partner.

How to deal with loneliness

Even if we consider loneliness as an opportunity for self-development, most people will not want to stay in it forever.

So what do you do if you're single? Do not be sad. Psychologists advise the following:

• Taking care of yourself, pleasing yourself with pleasant little things is a great opportunity not to become discouraged.
• Don't forget about friends. There is no need to withdraw and refuse to communicate, even when experiencing a difficult breakup. Spend time with your friends without envying their privacy. It is better to be happy for a friend who is doing well than to be angry and spend energy on negativity.
• Live a full life. Attend events: go to exhibitions, concerts, cinema, theater. Find an interesting activity that will give you pleasure. It doesn't matter what it will be - sports or dancing, drawing or needlework. Fill your free time with pleasant things, and it simply will not remain for despondency.
• Helping others is a great way to not feel lonely, according to psychologists. This will expand the circle of communication and make you feel needed. Working in a shelter for homeless animals, helping sick children - it doesn't matter, as long as it brings pleasure. And communication with the same enthusiastic people will help not to feel lonely.

Loneliness after 40

Perhaps, female loneliness at 40 is perceived most painfully.

A special category of single ladies are forty-year-olds. These are women who have life experience, a well-established system of values. Most often they already had family relationships, and not very successful ones. A divorce from a disgusted spouse could lead to loneliness, or he himself “ran away” to a younger one, or the woman became a widow.

Left alone, forty-year-old women choose the following paths for themselves:

• live for pleasure, doing self-realization, helping children and grandchildren, not really caring about another marriage;
• to establish a personal life, not abandoning attempts to meet a worthy partner.

Both choices deserve respect.

Separately, it is worth noting single women aged 40 who have never been married. These can be accomplished successful individuals or women with a child who were abandoned by a man even before his birth. This group is the most vulnerable in our society.

For some, loneliness at 40 is a conscious choice: a woman does not want to endure an unworthy man, lives a busy life and is quite happy with it. There are those who find it difficult to live without a life partner, and then loneliness can become a tragedy.

Psychologists advise not to get hung up on the problem, but to live life to the fullest, communicate more with interesting people. Finding a partner is more difficult, but a confident woman will cope with this task.

You don’t need to torment yourself with the question: “Why am I lonely?” It is better to change the type of thinking from negative to positive. Finding pluses in your position, seeing the good in the world around you and people, it is easier to become happy. And glowing with happiness and positive people attract attention.

Brief summary

In the psychology of loneliness, women identify several reasons (discussed above), but what they have in common is negative attitudes. If you deal with your internal conflicts, understand the cause of certain feelings, then loneliness will not be a burden, it will be easier to cope with it.

And then the answer to the question of what to do if you are lonely will be positive thinking and attitude towards yourself.

At any age, it is important to understand yourself, to realize your true desires. Having become your most faithful friend and support, it is easy to become happy and make others happy, to overcome loneliness.

Despite the fact that most of us live surrounded by many other people, we nevertheless often experience a feeling of loneliness that robs us of the joy of life. Loneliness corrodes our soul and makes our life meaningless, sometimes turning it into continuous torment. Many of you will surely agree with me that loneliness is bad, very bad and sad. Meanwhile, there are so many people around us that it would seem that there can be no talk of any loneliness, but nevertheless it exists and we feel it. Why do we feel lonely and why is loneliness perceived by us so painfully? And most importantly - what do we do with loneliness, how to get rid of it? We will talk about this, dear readers, in this article. And if you feel like a lonely person, I will help you solve this problem.

Loneliness is a special emotional state of a person in which he feels his uselessness and does not feel himself. A lonely person loses his sense of himself due to the lack of contact with other people, he falls into a void in which he, as a person, does not exist. This emotional state occurs at the moment when a person does not receive full attention from other people, when he does not feel a positive emotional connection with people or is afraid of losing it. At the same time, there can be a lot of people around him and they can even communicate with him. It's all about the form of this communication - a person can simply not be listened to, not heard and not understood. Often, when communicating with people, we feel that they simply do not hear us, and therefore do not understand, and therefore we begin to feel lonely. It turns out that communication with people seems to be happening with us, but it resembles communication with a wall, from which there is little use. So it’s not at all necessary to live on a desert island and be isolated from society in order to feel lonely, you can, surrounded by a huge number of people, not only feel, but really be a lonely person - if everyone doesn’t give a damn about you.

But why don't we give a damn about those who don't give a damn about us? And because we are social beings, we all depend on each other, because we are parts of a single whole, not to mention the fact that each of us needs a partner for a fulfilling life. This is how nature intended for a person to strive to continue his race and support life on earth and to take care not only of himself, but also of the people around him, since this increases his survival. Together, people are capable of much, they were able to build a civilization and together they can solve any problems they have, but one by one they will simply die out. Therefore, such a socio-psychological phenomenon as loneliness is quite understandable. We feel lonely because we make ourselves so - we alienate, move away from each other, we emphasize our individuality, forgetting about the need to fit into the society around us, noticing other people in it and becoming noticeable ourselves. And we will never be comfortable until we are objectively lonely, until we learn to be not only ourselves, but also a part of the society in which we live, and preferably, a part of all of humanity. So we cannot be indifferent to other people, especially when we lack attention, communication, understanding, respect and love. However, if we receive too much attention from other people, we inevitably begin to neglect it, we begin to choose - with whom it is interesting and profitable for us to communicate, and with whom not. If you don’t have friends, don’t have the right partner, you will certainly feel lonely. But it is quite possible, friends, that you yourself, too, at the moment do not notice someone who notices you. Think about it.

Loneliness, meanwhile, has a positive side - it is solitude. Some people do not need constant and abundant communication with other people, they can have a full-fledged internal dialogue with themselves, they can think, read books, do some favorite things and they will be quite comfortable. Loneliness for such people is not a punishment, but grace, however, in moderation, because, as mentioned above, we all need contacts with people and their attention to us. But to a certain extent, we all need solitude, it’s another matter that because of this we should not close ourselves off from the outside world, otherwise we will become outcasts, loners, people closed in on ourselves. And this will not do us any good, rest assured. Therefore, do not try to replace communication with people with communication with yourself; this will not save you from loneliness. Supplement communication with people with communication with yourself - supplement, but do not replace it with it, live a full life - look for suitable interlocutors and communicate with them.

But let's get back to the negative side of loneliness, after all, for most people, loneliness is a problem, not a blessing, which they somehow need to solve in order not to suffer because of it. And how can it be solved? First, friends, you need to find out what causes this problem. Pay attention to the way you live and how you relate to other people. If you lead an estranged lifestyle, if for some reason you are isolated from other people, then you need to correct this situation - you need to go out to people in order to be able to communicate with them. If you communicate with people, but at the same time you do not understand them, and they do not understand you, because of which you have conflicts during communication, forcing you to move away from them or them to move away from you, then you definitely need to work on your manner of communication. In most cases, we are deprived of attention to ourselves by other people, because of our misunderstanding of them, which we interpret as their misunderstanding of us. But blaming other people for not wanting to communicate with us or not wanting to understand us is simply pointless. People behave with us the way they want and how they are forced to behave, and most importantly, they behave with us the way we allow them to behave with us. So if we do not want to hear each other, then our communication will be so meaningless that it can be compared with communication with the wall, and therefore, there can be no mutual understanding and speech in such dead communication. So why do we spit on each other, why don't we notice each other, don't hear each other and don't want to understand each other? Is it all about our upbringing? Yes, and in it too, many people are selfish and therefore indifferent to other people, and those, in turn, are indifferent to them. So we all feel lonely, even in large cities, where there are a lot of people, and even having the Internet at hand, where you can communicate with anyone and on any topic. But selfishness is selfishness, and the main problem for a person who makes other people lonely, and at the same time himself, is his lack of need for other people. We don't need each other enough to want to understand each other. Or rather, we believe that we do not need each other, and we often see other people as more enemies than friends and therefore try to move away from them or simply not notice them. Because of this, as I said above, we ourselves make ourselves lonely. We should have a need for those around us, then we will be more open and friendly to them, and if we don’t feel this need, then other people will only interfere with us.

How often do we complain that we lack attention, love, respect, understanding? And what have we personally done to ensure that we have all this? Do we accept the love offered to us by other people who sincerely love us, do we respect their attention to us, do we try to understand other people when we communicate with them? Alas, friends, but in most cases we do nothing of this, in any case, most of us do not properly appreciate the attention, love, understanding and respect for ourselves from other people. And as a result, some of us come to proud loneliness, in which some people, because of their pride and perseverance, remain throughout their lives. But all you need is to try to understand other people, try to hear them and find a common language with them. But people are too selfish for this, they are mainly guided by their own feelings, their own desires, their own interests, and they do not care about others. Sometimes this is justified, sometimes not, but in most cases, not feeling the need for attention from some people, we deprive ourselves of the opportunity to live a rich and fulfilling life in which we will have many friends and fans. They don’t get lonely just like that, this is necessarily preceded by certain actions on the part of a person that force people to move away from him. Sometimes friends, you really should be simpler so that people start reaching out to you.

However, some people, with all their desire, are not able to establish positive contacts with other people, they are either uncommunicative themselves, or because of the negative experience of the past they have become so. Also, very often, communication difficulties arise in people with low self-esteem, because of which they are simply afraid to communicate, they are afraid of being unheard, misunderstood, and not accepted. There are other psychological factors that contribute to loneliness. So, if you find it difficult to establish contacts with people, because of low self-esteem, because of fear of them, because of your lack of sociability or for some other reason, then start working on yourself, either on your own or with the help of a specialist . Otherwise, you will create a vicious circle, when your inability and unwillingness to communicate with people will lead you to the fact that your self-esteem will fall even lower and your fear of people will become even greater. And then you may have depression, with all its inherent "charms" that can finally poison our lives. You definitely need to develop your communication skills in order to be able to make acquaintances with interesting people. And if you are already quite sociable, but there are few people around you with whom you could communicate and who could understand you, then you should urgently pay attention to your behavior in order to understand what exactly you should change in it. . Loneliness always has reasons that lie primarily in ourselves. When we feel the loneliness of the soul, when it seems to us that the whole world is against us, that no one needs us and our whole life is a complete misunderstanding, be sure that we do not understand something at this moment, we lose sight of something and something we do not attach importance.

I am absolutely sure that many people need each of us, just as we ourselves also need many of them. We all need each other, in one way or another. As soon as we realize this, we will certainly open up to each other and become closer to each other, and not physically closer, there seems to be no problem with this today, but spiritually. It's time for us to abandon the consumer attitude towards people and move to a new level of perception of this world, in which our relations with each other will take on a qualitatively new form. People must grow and develop so that such primitive and meaningless problems as loneliness stop bothering them. I also recommend that you engage in some creative activity that more than compensates for the lack of attention to you from other people. Sometimes we just feel alone, but we are not really so, we simply do not have the opportunity to express ourselves and therefore it seems to us that no one understands us. Express yourself in some work that is interesting to you, because every person without exception has some kind of talent, revealing and developing which he is able to surprise the world with his wonderful creation and express himself in this way. Then attention, and recognition, and respect, and love will be provided to you. People can't help but notice the person who created something beautiful.

And do not be afraid of people, friends. Of course, they are not ideal, and sometimes dangerous, but none of us can live a full life without them. You do not have to communicate with all people, communicate only with those who are closer to you in spirit and character, this will be quite enough so that you do not feel lonely. Try to study people, understand them, study their interests, goals, desires, and then you will be able to merge into their picture of the world and help them understand you. Draw their attention to yourself with the help of your activity and energy, because active and energetic people are hard to miss. Keep in mind that many people simply do not understand what their life should be like, what kind of people they should surround themselves with in this life, and who needs them in it. Therefore, try to convince them that they need you, show them yourself in all its glory. And you will be accepted. People are confused in their own created world, in which there is so much information that you can drown in it. Therefore, it is often difficult for them to focus their attention even on themselves, not to mention someone else who surrounds them. There are people around, but the person does not notice them, does not fully communicate with them, and therefore feels lonely. Loneliness is a problem we have imagined, in reality it does not exist. There is only misunderstanding by people of each other and their inattention to each other, because of which this heavy feeling arises.