Elena Azhevskaya

Where to start working on yourself or how to start changing

Hello dear friends!

I bring to your attention the "Success Cheat Sheet". The idea for this book came to me purely by chance. The fact is that I have been engaged in personal growth for more than ten years: I read books, go through programs, and if I meet an interesting tool for self-improvement and development of myself as a person, I begin to apply it in my life.

This article is an introduction to the Cheat Sheet. In it, I will share with you my thoughts on how to start changing or on the first steps on the path to successful self-realization. Of course, this is work on yourself.

Where does success begin? I think that from laying the foundation! After all, the stronger the foundation, the more stable the building built on it. Therefore, it is necessary to think over everything and create a “foundation of success” so that any cataclysms are not terrible.

In order for everything to be clear, high-quality, easy and moderately fast, you need to figure out what personal qualities and skills will lead to success and where to start working on yourself.

Recipe for success

Indeed, we all understand that success does not come just like that, so what needs to be done to climb a new step in our development and get closer to our cherished goal?

While listening to the book by Nicholas Latansky "50 Secrets of Success", I learned about the existence of the Formula for Success by Thomas Leonard, the founder of personal coaching.

The essence of the formula is that a person's success is a derivative of three main components:

1. 10% - knowledge, skills, abilities of a person
2. 40% - way of thinking: how a person perceives himself and the world around him
3. 50% - environment, habitat

Now, according to this formula, we will be able to model a plan for "changing yourself" based on cheat sheet tickets.

I will immediately note that the material in this booklet will help to a greater extent to change the way of thinking and personal effectiveness (40% success), will affect the first component (10%), as it will lead to an improvement in intuition, which contributes to a better use of knowledge, skills and abilities.

But that's not all. You yourself will notice that along with how you yourself begin to change, along with how your inner world changes, your environment will also change, and this is 50% of success.

This means that you yourself will shape your environment, not only influencing your family and friends with your positive, but also attracting new friends, personalities who will contribute to your further development.

personal development

To begin with, you can simply look through, flip through the pages in order to have a strategic plan for further work on yourself: what you know, what you don’t know, maybe you know something, but you forget to put it into practice.

At one of the master classes on achieving the goals set by Evgeny Deineko, I learned that according to the statistics that the author himself collected, only 50% of the participants achieve the intended results after passing it, and the remaining 50% do not. Why do you think?

Because in order to quickly and easily get results in any area, first of all, personal self-sufficiency is needed, and then the use of “various chips” that are taught in trainings to achieve a specific goal: money, career, love - relationships, etc. d.

We are all different: someone lacks positive thinking, someone lacks positive emotions, someone has weak energy and simply does not have the strength to implement what they have planned into life. This is what personal growth is all about!

The tickets contain all this information. And perhaps, just by looking at the content, you will understand where to direct your efforts. In this case, you can proceed to a detailed study of the issue of interest.

Well, for those who are interested in all the tickets or it is difficult to decide where to start - let's start with the formation of good habits.

Good Habits

We all understand that in order to succeed, one strategy and dreams are not enough. It will be necessary to work hard to correct the prevailing stereotype of thinking and behavior in society. For this, first of all, we need strength and energy.

It certainly cannot be done without healthy lifestyle life!

Therefore, before moving on to a thorough study of each ticket, let's start introducing good habits and rituals into our lives that will have a beneficial effect on health and quality of life.

Morning work-out

Start with the easiest, for example, with morning exercises, the simplest exercises, similar to those that were once done at school, in the future you can diversify them with exercises from yoga, qigong gymnastics or from the Eye of Rebirth.

A glass of warm water

To the “Morning exercise” ritual, you can add the “Glass of warm water” ritual 20 minutes before or after eating at the rate of 1 liter per 40 kg. weight of a person (if a person weighs 80 kg, then to maintain the water balance, he needs to drink about 2 liters of water daily).

Mindful eating

This can hardly be called a ritual, it is more suitable for a lifestyle in an environment where you need to ensure that you do not buy or eat genetically modified foods, foods stuffed with preservatives, dyes and stabilizers.

Eat more vegetables and fruits. Eggs, fish, seeds, nuts, olive oil are very useful for the body. Do not forget that nutrition should be balanced.

Also, there are different opinions about the harm caused to food by heating them in microwave oven (!).

Walks in the open air

Build your return home route in such a way that at least 20 minutes. could take a leisurely walk and get some fresh air.

Complete rest

Studying the material

Let's start studying the material. Read the ticket. Pick out your main ideas. Complete practical task. Perhaps you are interested in some book or technique - so you need to get acquainted with the material. After all, in this way, reading books, watching videos, we rethink our own view of things. This is what development and growth is all about.

Environment

Let's start creating 50% of our success, namely, we create our own environment:

1. The environment is not only people who surround, but also objects, clothes, food. Therefore, before you buy or eat anything, think about how useful it will be for you. Also, try to surround yourself with beautiful things, set the table before eating. Try to enjoy everything, even any everyday moments, - this will add positive emotions and increase energy vibrations.
2. We surround ourselves with positive people. By subscribing to free mailing lists, you will receive letters from people who have already achieved success and, by reading their letters, you will naturally adopt their way of thinking. You can also join interest groups, for example, in the Facebook group “Personal Growth and Human Development”, I always post materials that I like. And, of course, if you have any questions, you can always ask me for help in the comments on the site and in social networks.

Information processing

Books and programs on positive thinking. Talking with many people who are fond of this topic, we came to the same conclusion: while reading a book, you are filled with positive and the desire to change your life for the better, but as soon as the book is read, inspiration disappears, and everything becomes the same as and it was before.

Of course, the book has been read, but new behavioral skills have not been formed, so the information received must be worked out and re-read! In this regard, audiobooks and programs are good: you turn on the recording and you can do your own business that does not require mental stress (cleaning the apartment, cooking).

Once upon a time, more than ten years ago, I listened to an audiobook. At that time, my girlfriend and I were renting an apartment. She spent her free time with friends, and I spent more time at home and constantly listened to my favorite book. When she came home, she said: “Lena, are you zombifying again?!”:-))) Yes! Exactly! How else can you change your way of thinking?

Good results are obtained by the technique of working with subconscious attitudes, I am talking about it

Don't be afraid of new information! Of course, you need to listen to common sense and intuition. You can’t take anything for granted without checking it, and only then, if you like the idea, start implementing it into your life.

Inspirational related video

I wish you all success on this path and see you soon.

With love and respect, Elena Azhevskaya.

Everyone has ups and downs in life, and often we blame others, fate for our failures, but we can not see our shortcomings point-blank. In order to change something in the world around you, you need to start, first of all, with yourself.

One day you will ask yourself the question - “where to start working on yourself?”. Self-improvement is a delicate matter, it must be approached very competently so that at one moment there is no desire to quit everything.

The wheel of life - as a strong motivation on the path of self-improvement

If you do not know where to start self-development how to choose the right path for yourself, first you need to understand where you are in it. The Wheel of Life is a system that helps you analyze your level of success.

To do this, you need to draw a circle, divide it into 8 sectors:

career and business. Do you enjoy your work?

- finance. Are you satisfied with your salary? Do you have enough funds for financial independence?

friends and environment. Does the environment help you develop? What do you get from communicating with friends?

- family and love. Is there harmony in your relationships with loved ones?

— health and sports. How strong is your health? Would you like to make your body attractive and get rid of excess weight?

- entertainment and recreation. Do you properly organize your vacation in order not only to recharge your batteries, but also to get something useful for yourself?

- education and personal growth. What knowledge have you acquired to develop and improve yourself?

- the brightness of life. Are you satisfied with your life? Does it have enough bright, memorable moments?

Each sector is your life value, which is necessary in order to feel the happiest. In this way, you will put things in order in your goals and you will better understand what you need to strive for. Also, do not forget to write what exactly in each sector you lack for complete happiness.

Each sector must be evaluated on a 10-point system. You must be as honest with yourself as possible. No need to look for excuses for your saggy tummy or a small salary. Just finally admit to yourself that everything is bad in these areas and you need to do something about it.

After that, connect the points on the scale with a line. If the figure obtained in the center resembles a circle, then you can only be congratulated. You are in complete harmony with yourself and with the world around you.

If you get a crooked figure, you can see which sector you need to work on in order to achieve harmony and happiness. In addition, by putting in order one sector, you can positively affect other parts.

After analyzing each sector, you must set yourself global goals that you need to break down into several small ones and already confidently strive for them. In addition, the goal should be achievable, so be realistic and do not try to become slim like Angelina Jolie and find yourself a prince in the face of Brad Pitt.

Get yourself a diary and write down in it what you have achieved, every small victory. For example, you have given up unhealthy but delicious food. Praise yourself for this.

A positive outlook on the future is half the battle

With self-development of personality cannot be achieved without a positive outlook on the future. If you keep thinking that you will not achieve anything, that there are no results, thoughts will swarm about quitting everything, you will never achieve anything.

You should meet every day with a smile, rejoice at even the smallest victories, see the positive in everything, notice changes in yourself.

Of course, thoughts alone are not enough for a person's self-development. Actions are important. At first, 30 minutes a day is enough - to read a book, to learn something. You can even just not sit in the evening in social networks or not to watch TV, and this will already be a victory and the first steps on the way self-improvement.

Literature for self-improvement

Books for self-development are another step towards improving your personality. There are many primary sources, like the Bible or books on the teachings of the Tao, but many will not understand them.

Today there are a lot books for self-development. Here is a list of some of them:

1. Les Hewitt, Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen "A Whole Life". Learn to set realistic goals that are easy to achieve. You will be able to correctly prioritize;
2. Dan Waldschmidt Be the best version of yourself. This book can drastically change your life. It tells how simple people become outstanding;
3. M. J. Ryan "This year I ..." This book will be useful to everyone, as it helps to change habits, fulfill the promises made to oneself, and change one's life for the better;
4. Brian Tracy Get out of your comfort zone. Worldwide recognized as the #1 book on self-development. You will be able to step out of your comfort zone in order to achieve maximum goals;
5. Kelly McGonigal Willpower. How to develop and strengthen? The author believes that willpower is like a muscle that needs to be pumped and strengthened.

All books have one main meaning - self-development never ends. You can work all your life on the formation of your personality, make your life bright and unforgettable. Each of us strives to be better, but this quality must be used wisely.

A few rules for self-development

Each person lives in their own comfort zone, and often we are afraid of something new and unknown, which is why it is so difficult, and sometimes scary, to change our lives. The process of self-development must be turned into a habit so that you never leave this path.

How to start self-development? Plan Here are some simple steps you can take to build this habit:

- life depends directly on our desires and actions. There is nothing impossible in it. Never tell yourself that something is impossible to do, just think about what it takes to make it achievable;

- break the path to the main goal into several small ones that are easy to achieve. Once this becomes a habit, you can set more goals for yourself;

In the evening, think about everything that happened to you during the day. Write down your successes and failures. If you did something wrong or didn’t work out for you, think about what would have changed if you had acted differently.

Do not forget that self-improvement is a difficult path, but very interesting. If you once decided to change your life, stick to this thought always, and believe that the result will meet all expectations. Always look at life, successes and failures with a positive, and then you will definitely succeed.

What is self-improvement?

What is “work on oneself”, self-improvement, about which so much is being said, written and argued now? How exactly does this happen? What do people do when they say (or don't say) that they are practicing self-improvement?

Yes, of course, this is a very personal concept. What one person considers as work on himself, the other will attribute to an absolutely natural matter that does not require any effort at all.

This is the definition I found from the psychologist Nikolai Kozlov, respected by me: “Self-improvement (work on oneself) is the conscious development of worthy (needed in life and ethical) skills and qualities, and on their basis, the development of new roles.”

I asked the public a question here on Facebook: “What do you understand by working on yourself, what methods and what exactly are you doing in this direction?”

There were many interesting answers! Here are some, excerpts from the comments(Thank you my dear friends!):

• When you do something new and you like it.
• Self-control and above all over thoughts.
• It is love and respect for yourself.
• It's like cleaning, only inside yourself, you can do it every day, you can do it once a week, you can do it less often, or you can not do it at all .... then harmony, then it's comfortable with you.
• Work on yourself is the improvement of your character and spiritual qualities. Self-discipline and self-education. Harmonious coexistence with the environment.
• First of all - clarity in life (consciousness, responsibility for the perceived and actions from responsibility), following one's path and self-discipline.
• Acceptance of anyone. The hardest job.
• Education of character and the search for values.
• This is work on your inner world, on your inner qualities, on your character, work on fears.
• This is a search and elimination in oneself (!) of the reasons for dissatisfaction with one's life, one's relationships with others and one's reputation. This is the transformation of your personality, taking into account the wishes of how you need to be perceived.
• The ability to dream big and not be afraid to take action.
• I have long been accustomed to making plans for the week, month, year. And in them: what books to read, what grades to correct, what languages ​​to learn, physical exercise what to give yourself, what competencies. Well, and all sorts personal qualities type of courage and self-confidence to pump.
• Morning-evening meditation practices. There are favorites. Filling with energy, rejuvenation, expansion of consciousness. Thoughts that come, I observe and send further - I don’t get stuck.

What do all these options have in common? The need for change. Absolutely everyone, one way or another, talked about the importance of changing: changing habits, way of thinking, way of acting. And it's a lifelong process. Now you understand where to start working on yourself?

One of my friends once wrote me a message: “Lucky you! You've got everything moving, spinning. Such a vibrant and vibrant life. And everything stands still for me, everything is the same as a year, and five, and ten years ago.

Are you lucky? Is it moving? Yes, this very “everything” can move only in one way - if it is moved. Do what moves you towards your dreams, intentions, your desires. And if you do nothing, then you will never be “lucky”. And this person is in illusions - everything cannot remain the same as 10 years ago. Everything has changed a long time ago:

There is no balance in life. Every moment is either progress towards perfection or degradation (Andrew Matthews).

You can’t just “stand, wait, watch.” It turns out that you are always either forward or backward (even if it seems to you at this moment that nothing is happening). And move - what is it? It's not just to touch the sinful Earth with your feet? Of course not. It's about changing yourself. The ones that friends wrote about in the comments to the post on Facebook. The very ones that are needed to become the best version of yourself, yesterday, the day before yesterday or ten years ago.

But… We do understand what it means to change ourselves, don't we? Colossal work. By the way, Erich Maria Remarque said that:

To change something, a person needs to survive a catastrophe, poverty or the proximity of death.

But even in the face of the threat of death, a person is far from always ready to change (to change himself!).

In one study (the Fast Company magazine wrote about it in the article “Change or Die!”), a stunning result was obtained: the vast majority of people cannot resist their old habits and do right choice even in the face of mortal danger. The study was conducted among patients who needed to change their habits in order to survive. Alas, only 10% of them were able to do this, the remaining 90% of them, after 12 months, returned to old habits that almost guaranteed a fatal outcome. Can you imagine?

By the way, the same study concludes that joy is a much stronger motivator for change than fear. You need to find what personally for you is the joy of life, what can do everyday life more enjoyable.

Quote from the article:

Telling people who are lonely and depressed that they will live longer if they stop smoking or change their diet and lifestyle is not motivation! Who wants to live longer when suffering from chronic emotional pain?

And this is a deadly threat! And what can we say about the idea of ​​changing, working on oneself, engaging in self-improvement, when there is no such threat?!

"HOW did you force yourself to do this?" - I was asked more than once when I talked about what I do, habits and what

How did you force? Here, rather, there is no secret - my favorite motto is: Just do it! Just do it. Do it every day. Let in small steps, but regularly. And even if you suddenly broke - do not whine, do not scold yourself. Just take it and do it again. Every day. This is work on yourself!

The secret, rather, lies elsewhere: how to WANT? How to find the very strong motivator that was discussed in the article - the joy of life. I don't know how to answer this question. Only the only way I know is to seek, try and learn to understand what joy is for you. There is no single correct answer. Joy is a whole range of options. Joy is not a frozen result, but a process. What yesterday brought joy, today can become commonplace. So - look again! Work on yourself again - there is no limit to perfection. Well, or degradation)))).

— Masha, what exactly are YOU doing when you talk about working on yourself? I was asked in that same Facebook discussion.

But the truth is, if we move away from general phrases about self-improvement - what exactly is it expressed in?

Personally for me– i.e. in accordance with my goals, dreams, wishes, ideas about the joys of life and current values ​​​​for today - this list looks like this (some things that I can and want to voice publicly, of course):

• Charging every morning. Necessarily. In any condition, at least 10-15 minutes. This allows you to be cheerful, collected, feel great. As a habit, this need “grew” for about two months: I overdid it, but I did it. Now I just can't live without it!
• I listen to something relevant to me in this moment audio clips (usually on YouTube). Now, for example: lectures by Mikhail Kazinik on music and literature, lectures on the history of religions, Alunika Dobrovolskaya, sometimes Khakamada. By the way, I combine this activity with morning exercises or jogging.
• or a lot (very much!) I go. In Moscow, for example, they refused to move around the city by car - only on foot! And in terms of time, it is more profitable and much more useful for the figure and health.
• I'm reading. Lot. The choice of books also depends on the goals, values ​​​​now and mood, of course. At the moment, I have “Who would have thought” by Asya Kazantseva on my bedside table. Incredibly interesting! And on the way ... "Dead Souls". Yeah. After Kazinik's lectures, I wanted to re-read it. Or rather, READ. At school, I hated this ... poem! It's a poem, by the way.
• Every day I work out according to the book "Simulator for the brain" (author Andrey Moguchiy).

This book is a simulator for developing attention and awakening the intellect. It is very easy to use - even a child can safely work with it on their own. The book really helps to bring your brain into working condition in a matter of seconds, to always stay in excellent intellectual shape. I bought and gave a copy to my mother and husband. They promised to do

• Writing. Texts, book. Do not wait for the muse, but write, write, write - that is the secret of success if you want to be a writer, and not just a scribbler.
• I am writing Morning Pages. Or not morning, but evening. Or daytime. Does not matter. The important thing is that I have been doing this for several years in a row and I can say for sure that it is very difficult to overestimate the effect. This is a very, very powerful tool, your own understanding of yourself, values, experience, mistakes. What are the "morning pages" and how to do it - you can read from Julia Cameron in "The Artist's Way"

Of course, this is not all that I do: I am learning to maintain and promote a blog, I am constantly working on the ability to manage my own emotions, I continue to learn to allow myself things that are important to me, which are under the locks of internal prohibitions and restrictions ...

And there are still a lot of topics that I really want to introduce into my life. For example, systematically study English. I got an incredible idea of ​​listening to lectures in English and personally interviewing various interesting people. I want to take up dancing and feel the lightness and flexibility of the body both at 60 and at 70 years old.

There is an expression: "Win yourself, and you will win a thousand battles." Behind these loud, beautiful words, there is a very simple truth: every day, making even small steps in the direction of your dreams, you will definitely be happy. Already on the road. And if it's not, maybe you're going the wrong way.

What examples do you have of working on yourself? How have you changed yourself? What EXACTLY are you doing? Share!

AND ALSO ... Let's play? I have a deck of cards that give great clues. Including questions about working on yourself.

Magic cards. They only speak the truth. Checked)))). Want to make sure?

To everyone WHO LEAVE COMMENTS ON THE SITE (on this article or any other) - I promise to get the first card from this deck that fell into my hands and send you its value.

So: comment (if you write a comment on another article - write: “I want a map!” We ask ourselves a question (important, relevant). I will see a comment - and lay out a map for you in response to comments.
GO!

Everything that is described below is an attempt to systematize the volumetric form of a complex process that can be denoted by the words: "work on oneself." Of course, this is not an exhaustive systematization and not the only one possible, but it was precisely this that I managed to come to as a result of my own research. practical work on oneself and work with other people in the same direction. If such a systematization had come across to me ten years ago, it would have significantly reduced the time and made it easier to achieve the set goals, it would have been clear what needs to be done and in what direction, where there are "gaps", and why some things stall and do not work out. The essence of this systematization is simple: four main areas of work on oneself, what they are in general. Then - four rules, without which these four directions are unlikely to give any tangible result, and recommendations on how to put these rules into practice.

Of course, these are not the keys to all questions and not recommendations from the "help yourself" series, but this is a certain map that can help you navigate this not the easiest path.

I'll start a little further.

We are born and live this life for a reason. It makes sense. Everyone has his own - this is his purpose. Due to circumstances, we, people, almost always miss our meaning and, as a result, do not get the results in life that we would have had if our life had this very, our own meaning - our destiny. Instead, we get results that are thoroughly saturated with some other, not ours, meaning. As a result, we live to the grave not our life, not our destiny, not our destiny and get results that we do not need, and this is at best. At worst, it brings us illnesses, insoluble difficulties, insurmountable obstacles, difficulties and wanderings that seem to be about to be resolved, but year after year not only are they not resolved, but, on the contrary, are thickened and aggravated.

This is the most important question that each of us faces in life. Many do not notice it, do not even know that it exists - this means that it is not yet very "hot" to ask questions and look for answers. This question is familiar to someone, but there is not enough desire and enthusiasm to find real answers that lie outside the comfort zone. Someone, on the other hand, embarks on a path that can lead to its own meaning, he asks questions and looks for answers, wherever they may be. This is the most difficult thing, because here you need to work with yourself, with your life, your feelings, your thinking, your reactions and perceptions ... with your pain and your value system, with your beliefs and your experience, with your fear and your motivations ... with everything that makes you as a person, as an individual, as a person. It's like fixing a car at full speed. But this is the only way to get out of the "default settings". Such is our life.

One Eastern wisdom says: "On its own, only death happens." Life is a continuous movement. No movement means no life. At different times in our lives, different movements occur. There is a movement that is directed outward, to search for resources, to attract a partner, to protect and adapt. There is a movement that is directed inside our life, first of all, it is a learning process that begins from the moment we are born. The task that faces this internal movement is to make the external movement as effective as possible and almost everyone copes with this at the simplest level, we master the skills of interacting with environment and society. But everything is not exhausted by this, a person has needs that are deeper and more complex than "to earn money for food", "to continue one's family" and "to be more significant than others", and the real "good" depends ninety percent on these deep and complex needs. However, where exactly one can find this "good" and what are these deep needs, everyone should understand in their own lives, this is not taught anywhere - neither at school nor at the institute. So it turns out that we are faced with these very questions already when our personality has been socialized, basic life skills have been consolidated, and in general we have somehow formed.

Thus, when we are already ready for external action, we again need to go inside ourselves, starting the already subsided process of learning. This is where what can be called the words "work on yourself" begins. A difficult, often confusing, and sometimes even very abstract field of human activity. Especially if we talk about working on oneself in relation not to any particular area of ​​life, but specifically about working on the essence of one’s existence…

But let's talk about everything in order. First of all, what do these two words mean?

Well, firstly, the concept of "work on oneself" can include a huge number of various actions. You can work on yourself, improving any skills, for example, in sports or in art. You can work on yourself in the field of improving or developing any psychological qualities. You can work on your health, on your relationships, on your appearance, over your habits ... in general, you can do a lot of things, and all this will be denoted by two words - work on yourself.

In its general sense work on yourself implies a purposeful systematic activity for the development, optimization and improvement of its own existence.

I will decipher. First of all, it's work. Work is something that is done systematically and has a specific purpose. That is, if you ran once in the morning, then it can be anything, but not work. But a system without a goal is also not work, but just a pastime without a clear meaning and clear criteria. Purpose is what gives meaning to any activity., but we will return to this below.

Go ahead. Work is activity. The very concept of "activity" means "active interaction of the subject with the object, during which the subject satisfies any of his needs, reaches goals" . Active interaction that achieves a goal is very important point. Just sitting in one place and not really changing your being in any way, you can see a very convincing dream about some kind of own development, a change in attitude to the environment, about ongoing reflections, but all this will have very little connection with a completely material and tangible reality.

The next point is that work on yourself affects his own life in the first place.The subject and the object here are ourselves. That is, not the life of Tolya's neighbor, not the life of cousin Klava, and not even the life of your children or your wife-husband, but your own life, and this is done for yourself, and not for someone else. Otherwise, it will be difficult, perhaps noble, but absolutely meaningless work of making yourself a victim (after all, you are doing this for someone) and a persecutor (and the psyche of any of us is so arranged that you will inevitably demand compensation for this, albeit without realizing it, in the form of gratitude, loyalty, attention, or something else like that).

And finally. In working on ourselves, we develop ourselves. Development is when there was one thing, and then something else grows out of it, like a plant grows out of a seed. Together with that we optimize everything that our life consists of. Optimization is when what was before remains, but begins to work more optimally, in accordance with its natural characteristics, like a car in which all the bolts are tightened, oil and good gasoline are filled in, the driver of which, moreover, chooses good road surface and avoid dangerous situations on the road. And besides we improve our entire existence. Improvement is when the goals achieved in the process of development and optimization result in changes for the better.

Below I want to present a detailed presentation of the main aspects that allow working on oneself to be effective. I approach this issue not entirely from the side of traditional ideas, whether it be traditional Western psychological schools or Eastern traditions of spiritual self-improvement. First of all, I rely on rational empirical experience, which is based on a sober mind, observation and openness to new things ... However, first things first.

An overview of the four directions in working on yourself

• The very first is the direction of "intention". We are accustomed to seeing ourselves and our lives in a kind of vacuum, isolated from the outside world. However, even if we use simple logic, we can see that we are not only closely connected with the space around us, but we are one with it. At a minimum, we are inseparable from the air that we breathe, from the planet that gave life to all living things, from the Sun, without whose energy this life is impossible ... not to mention interactions, for example, at the level of electromagnetic and gravitational forces ... We are connected with this universe not only our external actions but also by internal actions, with all your being. This property of our life has received in popular psychology the name "law of attraction", very colorfully described, in particular, in the film "The Secret". Yes, we can ask the Universe for help in the matter we need, and eventually get this help. However, this "law of attraction" has a lot of nuances, without which it is possible to use this "law" literally one hundredth of its original potential. These nuances are, for example, how to use the intention when the pain program is working. Or how to use the intention so that life does not give what we supposedly need, but take away what we hold on to. And how to do all this in an environmentally friendly way, so as not to harm yourself or anyone else. The issue of ecology and safety is generally one of the main ones here. There are a lot of nuances on which it depends whether the use of this tool will be a momentary entertainment and cheerful self-deception, or whether it will become a natural part of life, the same as our writing and walking skills.

We are part of this world. And by correctly approaching your life from this position, you can not only and not so much get something in the short term, but, above all, get a new quality of your life.

Intention is what allows us, moving in the chaos of all kinds of events, to come to our ordered system of life, to our destiny. In other words, the intention is the architectural plan of the house under construction, allowing all those involved in its construction to coordinate their work. Imagine what will happen to the building if the plan is made somehow or if there is none at all, how will this building be built? It's the same with our lives. If intention, as a tool for coordinating our consciousness and our unconscious with all the moving world around us, is not used, then our life is built in a completely random way. And if you live by the will of this case, then you should not be surprised to receive results you do not need from this very life.

• The second is "purpose". This is the most important meaning, and that says it all. The topic is broad and deep in itself. Destiny is not just an abstract inner potential, not some mystical image and not a calling in any particular business. This is a very specific direction in which a complex set of qualities and properties of a person's individual nature can be realized. The definition and explanation for this concept is easy to formulate: everything has certain qualities and properties. The totality of these properties and qualities determines the nature of an object or phenomenon. This nature interacts with the surrounding space, thereby realizing its potential. This very potential of natural qualities and properties is the destination.

Purpose can be conditionally divided into higher, lower and actual. The higher is how the natural potential could be realized under ideal conditions conducive to this realization. The lower destination is a probable line of how the development of natural potential could go if the conditions in which a person found himself from the very beginning of life turned out to be as strong as possible and a person would not have the strength to respond to them. Actual destination - the line between the highest and the lowest destination, showing where the person really is at the moment.

The purpose, in addition, is multilayered, it has three planes: an explicit plane (the purpose of a person as a person, gender, social), a deep plane (emotional, mental and personal purpose) and a quantum, not subject to determination, plane (what is called " purpose of the soul).

To illustrate concepts "lower", "higher" and "actual" purpose, a simple illustration can be given: the most initial level explicit plane purpose - physiological health. The lowest destination here is death. The highest is absolute health. The actual line fluctuates somewhere in the middle, which indicates normal well-being, which with some degree of probability can be worsened by a non-fatal disease, such as a cold.

The whole point of working on yourself is to come to your destiny and realize it in its entirety. All the directions we are talking about now intersect in one way or another, but they intersect most strongly with the direction of destination.

• The third is "programs". They are also called "engrams", "scripts". Programs are the reasons that make the realization of the destination impossible by 70-80 percent. Programs are a painful experience in own life, which begins to form even from the period of conception, this is the experience of many generations preceding your birth. At the same time, programs are also the tasks of the soul, which, if not realized, create huge zones of tension and systems of side compensation for these tensions. There can be a lot of programs of a different plan, thousands. They form multidimensional planes, whole false universes in the inner world, often not only making it impossible even to approach the vision of one's destiny, but making it unattainable for a person in principle. Working with programs is a very painstaking and troublesome business, but the importance of this direction in working on oneself can hardly be exaggerated.
• The fourth is the knowledge and possession of one's inner "energy". Internal energy is everything that determines your ability to do something in your inner world and your objective reality. Internal energy is what is called "energy flows", and the energy of sensuality, and the energy of physical action, and the energy of interest in life ... listing what this energy is can be very, very long. Internal energy, however generalizing this formulation may be, is what fills life beyond actual actions and physical movements. These are processes that are hidden from direct observation from the outside, but which are objectively present in the body, in emotions, in the mind, taking a direct part in the formation of perceived images, their processing and the implementation of appropriate internal or external reactions.

Each of these areas includes many techniques that cannot be called inaccessible or secret. Many of them have been well known for many, many generations, others are being discovered and developed to this day. However, quite often they are considered rather superficially, as required by the market. quick results, which subsequently leads to frustration: "I know all this, I've tried everything, nothing works, life has remained the same..." In order to get a result, it is important to know a few rules, without which any undertakings, even those filled with pure enthusiasm and sincere interest, will be multiplied by zero.

The four most important rules:

1. Regularity.
2. Purpose understanding.
3. Sober mind.
4. Observation and openness to new things.

On the first and second points. Actions shape our lives. Their quality, direction and regularity determine the kind of life we ​​live. No wonder they say: habit is second nature. One single action in the "right" direction will not outweigh the constant action directed "to no place".

If you have performed the technique once or even twice, you will certainly get a lot of new experiences. But if you are interested in experiences, go to the movies or read a good book. The presence of impressions, as well as their absence, does not mean anything at all. The main work that gives a quality result is not done in a hurry. Quality cannot be obtained at all from a single "approach", no matter what you do: sports, art, science - everywhere you need effort, work, effort and time. This is important to understand.

Here it is important to decide for yourself what you need, what your goal is and how you will understand that this goal has been achieved. Do you need a result at all, or do you just want entertainment? How responsibly are you ready to approach this matter? Because it really won't be easy. You will not find high here, as in many trainings and seminars. In many ways, you will have to work with the most painful and unsightly aspects of your essence. It is important to understand this, because otherwise the movement will be exactly until the moment when difficulties appear.

The regularity of practice and understanding why you are doing it is the basis, the foundation. And if it doesn't exist, then everything else doesn't either.

• sober mind. Turn off your imagination, no matter how exciting pictures it paints for you. And do not believe your emotions - they lie, it's been proven. There is a place inside you that is not affected by the elements of emotions, and the imagination does not play the first violin there. Find it. It is important that you not only feel, feelings are a whimsical thing, it is important that you know and understand what you are doing, why and what is the meaning of it for you. Only then will you be able to remain true to your action. A sober mind is walls, and if there are none, then the foundation will grow weeds and rot in the rain.

But don't hide behind those walls. Complement them with windows and a roof - observation and openness to the new. Do not confuse sober reason and denial of what does not fit into your picture of the world. Trust experience, but don't overestimate it. Live in the present moment, but do not forget the past and the past. Look, think, draw conclusions and look again. Try, fail and try again.

• Observation is the window that gives Fresh air, opening the house to sunlight and allowing you to see around.
• Openness is the crowning glory of the structure. It may be a leaky roof, from which the plaster of past experience is falling, or it may be a solid roof, or even the dome of a temple, under which every word turns into a chant of prayer. In other words: if there is openness, then this indicates a healthy and flexible psyche, capable of being in constant contact with the environment. If there are problems with openness, then this is a roof from which pieces of past experience are constantly pouring in and there is a constant struggle with leaks, when the outside world nevertheless seeps destructively inside the house.

But these rules are not enough to understand, they must be observed.

A few recommendations that can help implement the above rules in life

Action can be lived, I have already spoken about this above. Then it has a chance to bring something into your life. But how do you know if you are alive or not? Very simple. If you do this every day, if it takes up a significant part of your active life, then the answer is obvious. If some action occurs from time to time, then it touches your life superficially. Everything is simple.

One person gets up every day and goes to training, and gives himself to the whole process. Through "I can't", through "I don't want" and through "I have many other important things to do". And he gets results. The ones he needs. Stands on a pedestal, becomes a champion, improves health, opens up something new in his direction. Why does he succeed and the other does not? Is it not because in one case diligence and labor brought their natural results, and in another they were not enough for the same results?

In work on ourselves, results are also important to us. If you understand why you are taking this course, then this should automatically include the definition of the result. Are you facing some problems in your life and want to solve them? Do you want to reach your destination? Or do you just want to learn something new?

In each of these cases, already By posing the question itself, it is clear what the result should be.

With what question are you now looking at these lines? What result are you looking for? And how important is this to you? It is these three questions that determine in which direction you will go, and whether you will go at all.

So, the first task. Answer honestly these three simple questions:

• What do you want to get from working on yourself?
• How will you know that you have received it?
• Are you ready to sacrifice your existing way of life, your habits and your current life for the sake of the above goal?

These three questions will help make the goal clearer and more tangible.

Okay. The target is visible. But what about regularity? This is one of the easiest questions, but that is why it is often the most difficult. How many undertakings in your life could you bear fruit if you devoted more time, effort and perseverance to these undertakings?

The difficulty here lies in the fact that any irregularity, any postponing for later or simply delaying the action is not seen somehow convex in life, they are always smooth and gradual, respectively, we cannot discern a threat in them, such as, for example, from some or violent action. Graduality and smoothness have a greater power than periodic sharpness and selective pressure. If the pulling and postponing are gradual and smooth, they will outweigh. Anyway. Any goal you set will not stand a chance. Even if it will light you up for periods, aimlessness will still win. What to do? How to bring regularity and constancy to work on yourself?

The answer is simple: it should become a part of life. This requires three components:

• Understanding what there is always something to work on in life. You are not perfect. And not in terms of social standards or philosophical concepts. You are not perfect in terms of your original nature (in our system we say "higher purpose"), in terms of the potential with which you came into this life. If you were perfect, then you would definitely have no conflicts, no problems in life, no emotional and mental discomfort.

To put it bluntly: you always have problems to work with. Is there an end to these problems? Theoretically it is. In practice, I repeat once again: in life there is always something to work with.

So what's the point of it if it can never end? The point is that if you do not work, then the problems themselves do not resolve, this has been verified. If they are being worked on - on one problem, then on the next, then on those following these first ones, and so on and on, on hundreds and thousands of problems, then this will give a result. This will mean that in your life there will be one, two, a thousand fewer problems. And even if there are an infinite number of them, which, in fact, they are not, they are finite, although much more numerous than we would like to think about it. But even if they are endless, it is precisely by working with them, working with problem areas that do not allow our nature to be truly realized, we make our life better (more perfect, healthier, more optimal, conflict-free, more efficient - underline the necessary). Well, for what it is really necessary, everyone decides for himself.

• Constant change of perspective. This is the cure for dullness, and it is necessary in order to always be able to implement the first component of this small list - the constant work on problem areas. The areas that need to be worked on are 70-90% programs, and only 10% skills that need to be developed, refined or regrouped. What are programs - in short, this is the result of the work of the adaptation system, which can be passed down through many generations by genus, in the overwhelming majority of cases, people do not have enough conscious energy to ensure that these programs are formed somehow optimally in relation to their own nature and the nature of the world around them, this leads to the fact that programs in 99.9% are focused on fear and pain, which are not the optimal response to any events in life, but are the simplest and easiest response for a person. It costs almost nothing to be offended and close, to go to a solution to the conflict and see your goal sincerely - it costs a lot of real effort, this is just an example.

So. Programs in his primordial nature exist in order to protect and protect us from all sorts of dangers of this world. Our adaptation system is “sure” that we need them and without them we will die (an example from practice: during the war my husband left my great-grandmother and went to the front, did not return from there. Then, as it turned out, he changed his last name and started a new family "His wife hated him with fierce hatred and made him responsible in her system of worldview for all the sorrows and misfortunes in her life. Naturally, the children absorbed it all. And already their children, namely the granddaughter, have a catastrophic fear of relationships, unreasonable hatred of men and rejection of oneself as a woman (after all, women are weak, defenseless, etc., something that grandmother suffered so much from. Why? Because a man is a threat that will plunge your life into suffering and torment. This is how the program works). when we look at the programs and the problems they generate, we first of all come across the fact that they will resist, and they do it with the help of our own mind. to study in it, you need to remember that you need to constantly change the perspective of looking at this problem. In practice, this means an ongoing change of approaches and tools to the problem being solved, if the solution does not move, you should always ask questions like: "and what else can help in the decision", "and whether I decide in the right direction", "what else have I not taken into account", "what could be wrong",- and think, think, think, without getting hung up on dead-end thoughts, like "I don't know", "I'm tired", "I'm tired of everything", "I'm right / right". Always ask a question: "What, what else can be here, from which side you can still look at it, what could be missed." All attention here should be paid to the internal and external components of life, you need to teach yourself to analyze them and perceive them critically.

It should also be noted that such an approach to solving problems inevitably forms a stream of intention, if, of course, you ask these questions to yourself sincerely, the intention allows you to find the right answer: thoughts will converge in the right way for solving, or a hint and solution will come from outside, but sincere desire will always find a way to be realized, which means that these questions to the problem being solved will always bear fruit.

So, regularity implies constancy. And the fact that the process of working on yourself becomes a part of your life means that there is already a certain system in the approach to this process. And another key component on which it depends whether regularity will be possible and whether it will become part of your life, not in words, but in deeds, is uncompromisingness.

And finally the third:

• No compromises with internal problems. This is another key component that determines whether regularity will be possible. An internal problem is something that prevents us from living in accordance with our original nature. If we have fixed such a problem (one of a number), then we should not leave it a single chance to exist. We simply have no right to let this out of our attention, even if now "reluctance", "wrong time", "wrong problem", "the other is also to blame." Agreeing with an already actualized problem (updated, it means that it exists and works, and we have fixed it with attention), refusing to look for a solution or postponing it for later, we not only push the “final” result away from ourselves, but also multiply all the previous ones by zero the efforts made. Even if the problem has taken possession of our states, actions, thoughts, consciousness must constantly look for a solution, then sooner or later it will appear. Otherwise, we will most likely return not just to the point of "starting positions" when we carried all these problems in ourselves, but much lower. Inattention and irresponsibility in action carries much more danger than inattention and irresponsibility in inaction.

Well, what about what can help implement the rules regarding sobriety of mind, observation and openness to new things, Here everything is simpler, but at the same time more difficult. These three things can be considered as some original qualities of consciousness, the use of which is a matter of the freedom of choice of the person himself. In order to look at things in the surrounding reality with an open mind, you must first of all want it, feel such a need, and you can often come to this need by making sure that the mechanism of logic is powerless in front of a dynamically changing life. A very precise definition of logic and its role in life was given by Hans Selye, the founder of the theory of stress, in his book From Dream to Discovery: ". .. I believe that logic is to Nature what a guide is to a zoo. He knows exactly where the African lion is, where the Indian elephant is, and where the Australian kangaroo is, since they were caught, brought to the zoo and put on display. The hunter, who tracked these animals in their natural habitats, does not need such knowledge. In the same way, logic is not the key to the secrets of the orderliness of Nature, but a kind of "picture gallery catalog" in the human brain, where his impressions of natural phenomena are stored.

Well, in conclusion, I would like to add this: working on yourself gives real results when you need them more than anything else in your life. If these results determine whether you will live or not, then there will be enough motivation to come to a real result. As they say, the road will be mastered by the walking one. And in order for this to be a movement forward, and not somewhere sideways, it is important not to forget what a dream is ... but this, however, is a completely different story.

Hello, dear readers of Valery Kharlamov's blog! To achieve what you want, to advance, both in your career and in your personal life, a person must leave the comfort zone, act and develop. Therefore, in order to simplify this process, and in general, to make it possible, it is important that work on oneself never stop, that is, be permanent.

As you take a step forward towards change, try not to stop. After all, it is easier to move by inertia than to gather courage and try to move. It is especially difficult if you have spent a lot of time on it, in which case you will feel that you have “grown” to it. And this causes such a strong fear of change that it will be easier to endure something than to take a risk and do it differently.

It is for this reason that many victims of domestic violence do not leave their tyrants. But, if they begin to take care of themselves, knowing and realizing, then the moment will come when internal changes will occur, and entail external ones.

2. Motivation

As we have already found out, human psychology is such that it is easier for him to sit still, albeit not comfortable, than to get up, fall, get up again, and so on. To move, you need good motivation, then you will not have time to think about how to force yourself to act.

Do you know what you want to achieve, what you live for? If you have not yet determined, take it into service.

3. Responsibility

Realize that the responsibility for your life and its quality lies only with you, therefore everything that happens to you is a consequence of your choices and actions. Therefore, if you don’t know where to start working on yourself, assign yourself an iron rule, rely only on yourself and always be responsible for your actions, even if you really don’t want to.

I do not urge you to refuse support and help, but I just want to convey to you that you do not expect it as a matter of course. Someone may or may not help you, so always rely only on your own strength.

Just when you stop sitting and waiting for miracles, that someone will notice you so good and give you a bag of money, you will have a chance to earn it yourself, turning your dream into reality.

4. Health

In order to realize that you are not perfect in some ways, and in some nuances you do not even reach the norm at all, you need to be brave and strong in spirit. It is also important to understand that if you give your best, you can achieve almost everything you want and cope with any difficulty.

Therefore, instead of being upset that you are not up to something, gather your will into a fist and get to work. Yes, it will be difficult, sometimes it will seem to be fruitless and useless, but believe me, your work will be justified and will bear fruit.

5. Planning

Plan your activities, so it will be easier to understand when and what to do. Yes, and there will be less temptation to relax, because every day will be scheduled, even rest. If you don’t know how it’s done, and you’re used to living without setting clear goals, everything can be fixed.

6. Balance in life

So, let's say you tune in and realize the whole level of responsibility, and what's next? And then you should determine which area in your life needs attention and correction. A technique such as drawing up a wheel of life balance will help you with this.

Then you will know exactly what and by what percentage you have missed, personal life, health, professional activity or leisure. Or maybe the spiritual component of your personality has suffered a little?

7. Reading

Read at every opportunity. So you can not only replenish your stock of knowledge, but you will also unwittingly train your memory, thinking and attention. And I recommend starting with books on the topic of self-development.

For example, such as "Get Out of Your Comfort Zone" by Brian Tracy, by the way, is a bestseller and a leader among books on this subject. Or “This year I…” M. Ryan which will help you deal with bad habits and teach you to keep promises, even those addressed to yourself.

9. Phased

Constant work on oneself is possible only if it is gradual, otherwise, by giving yourself an increased load that does not correspond to your capabilities, you can leave the race halfway without having time to achieve the desired changes. Therefore, be sure to consider this moment, it will allow you to notice reality, and not be fascinated by fantasies.